Looks like its new thread time, I am doing this via email so no links this round, maybe I will post them if need be. I feel the need to continue documenting things for some reason, might be part cathartic but more just to continue to document the Science Project I have found myself in for the past several years.
So tomorrow is Mediation Apt, this for those keeping score is attempt #3, #1 lasted for the initial joint meeting (Mar14) #2 made it to individual sessions and a few months later W wanted to R (Feb15) so here were are, St Patty’s ironically is the 2 year anniversary of me being in the Dr room with W as the Dr confirmed she contracted Herpes from OM. I was later blamed for this till I emailed my test results (Not knowing how long OM has been in the picture) … then was a lover from 25 years past I had no clue about (We were each other’s first and only as far as I knew … turns out during the Gulf war and my 8 month deployment there was someone else …. Red flag back then I never was told about) … so finally OM supposedly got it from OMW, which was also proven false, OM had a OW2 and then the A was for the time being done … only to come back full force Feb2016 which was when I moved out within 10 days …. No we are here.
Something I thought about…. W has NEVER been alone, Dated me while we were 19, when I left for the Gulf, she was dating someone else … I come back .. she is back with me, 10 years then we marry 15 years .. OM, me OM , me .. back and forth she goes but never alone … something I think she will have to deal with at some point, or not I am sure the master manipulator will have many willing participants … time will tell.
Last night, I have S, and he has a baseball game, 3rd one. W shows up 2-3rd inning and hands me some junk mail, sits down about 10-15’ away, the past 2 games she has been on the other teams side. S slides into the base 4th inning and comes out to me (walking past w) asking if I will help him wash out the cut .. little scrape but a good one, so we wash it out, get some bandaide on the thing and back in the game my little trooper goes. W was oblivious, had no clue he was hurt or that I patched him up, in fact I don’t think she still is aware of it. Have to love that MLC. I noticed I was getting a bit irritated and I just took a walk to shake it off and focus in on S and the game.
The more I think about things, it’s been a full month since I really let go, she has a long journey and I am not sure she will ever come out of it, so much damage and I know of some of the issues that have her at this point (14 yr old teenage girl trapped in a 44 yr olds body) … I cycle between the rage of betrayal and anger to relief and optimism my life is and will be better, every now and then I feel sorry for her but knowing she has played me this whole time snaps me out of feeling that much… she is dead to me, my wife died in a MLC train wreck and her ghost is all that haunts me .. and that Ghost is an agent of CRY-ISIS (the evil enterprise who recruits MLCrs) … yes … I made that up and I expect royalties as I broke my arm patting myself on the back for thinking of it…. On that note I think I am watching to many Marvel series shows with S.
So things are moving forward, I do not expect D to stall out this time … W has reverted all the way back to full on replay, she has not monstered nor contacted me as I think she has to just be fully embarrassed with what I discovered, she and OM can have each other … I do not think it will last as it never has seemed to more than a few months. Speaking with someone else who has gone through this with a MLCw there seems to be something to it, 3-5 month cycles … just worth a watch. I am not focused on her, just observing here and there, its easier this time around with the very limited contact .. maybe 2 times a week vs 5-6 during the last separation.
Work has been busy, as have my GALS in full force. All truly a blessing, I have been going to church later at night on Sundays, doesn’t feel the same but I do feel better going rather than skipping, its really brought me through the tough times … this time around I am at peace and have accepted it. I am not sure what the future holds, there is a small part that still wants the M, not the old one, a new one but W would really have to jump through so much I just do not see it as an option anylonger, maybe that’s the freeing part of all this, I did the work .. she didn’t, she still chose to destroy it all after I gave her a chance, that’s on her .. not me .. I did all I could and now I look forward to getting myself all prepared for life after this tragedy. I still pray for her, all I can do, I do not regret our time in the sun and do hope she finds the happiness she is so hell bent on finding.
