My first post - please be nice.

[Georgia Bulldogs]

Collin,

I don't want to get involved in the snooping vs. not snooping because that is your call. I snooped on my H and didn't find much. However, I wanted to tell you that I believed my H when he said he wasn't cheating. I confronted him 3x about a particular co-worker and he denied every time. Of course, he had already started the PA with her before the bomb drop "ILYBINILWY". My head knew it was happening and my heart didn't want to accept it….that is probably where you are at right now. I sincerely hope that all of us are wrong and she is just having an mlc though. It is truly devastating when it is confirmed - I was physically ill. Good luck

I wish you would get involved in the debate because you are a great case study in why finding out the truth once and for all independently from simply asking and trusting your "separating spouse" is so important. I'm not looking to trigger you but think back to all those days and nights you were trying to say and do just the right thing to understand and change your situation. Think back to having to sit there and explain to your children how their mother and father still love them and each other but are just going to separate for awhile and hopefully not divorce. How if you'd only known the truth you would have handled things so much differently and not just let your ex-husband ease himself gently out of your life while you were forced to beg and watch appeasing his delusions at every turn while being lied to to your face.

That's not to mention the torture of knowing but not knowing.

I hope you aren't keeping his secrets anymore and your children know the truth about their father and his paramour....lest they end up walking in his footsteps. Family secrets have a way of repeating themselves generationally.

Another reason you should be a proponent of Collin (and all BS's) simply investigating and ascertaining whether their spouse is or is not cheating is due to the fact you probably still don't know the full extent of what happened. Sure you busted him eventually...but it's not like he told you everything (or if he says he did...that you believe him). The best time to get the full honest truth about your spouses infidelity is doing so yourself with some good spy gadgets WHILE IT'S ACTUALLY HAPPENING. Again...snooping forever where you are trying to monitor the affair is counterproductive. I'm not advocating that. Just hurry up and bust them and then fight for your marriage honestly.

Finally....some spouse divorce simply because the wayward doesn't think the betrayed spouse would ever forgive them if they knew the truth and/or they know that recovery without the truth is impossible and they refuse to disclose their secret. Simply busting the secret affair and dealing with the situation at hand (because deny all you want the situation is what it is) makes the chances of recovery 10, 20....100 times more likely.

Collin's wife may very well be keeping it a secret because her love interest is married too. She's maybe more scared he will get busted (and end the affair) versus concern for herself.