New Thread for Help

[GWH]

Sorry you gotta be in that situation man. Hang in there brother.

[CWOL]

Thanks man, I just want this thing to be OVER! I am so sick of dealing with this day-in, day-out for the past four months!

[CWOL]

The primary reason my WW gave my MIL for wanting to get a divorce is that she feels that I will never forgive her for restarting the EA a second time.
How do I convince them (both) that I am capable of doing that, in a DB way? At least take that away as an excuse... Her real reason may be a fantasy that she could be together with OM, but obviously she won't say it.

[Vapo]

Mate, she is just blowing smoke up everybody's asses. That is such bullchit. I mean, you do realize it, don't you? IT IS NOT THE FCUCKIN' ISSUE, SHE IS MAKING $HIT UP.

If you were to proclaim that you'd forgive her, she would just move onto another silly excuse (like the dog farts, or you like prepacked salad, or something).

And she should be the one begging for a third chance...

Do you see her bull$hit?

[CWOL]

Mate, she is just blowing smoke up everybody's asses. That is such bullchit. I mean, you do realize it, don't you? IT IS NOT THE FCUCKIN' ISSUE, SHE IS MAKING $HIT UP.

If you were to proclaim that you'd forgive her, she would just move onto another silly excuse (like the dog farts, or you like prepacked salad, or something).

And she should be the one begging for a third chance...

Do you see her bull$hit?

Yep, of course I realize it.
But what should I say to people if she tells them this cr@p? Like MIL for instance?

[Vapo]

Look ,mate, it's very simple, hard though... Just give her enough rope and she'll hang herself. If you intervene, it will just look spiteful and petty... Given enough time,she will trip over her own lies and the truth will come out...

[CWOL]

Look ,mate, it's very simple, hard though... Just give her enough rope and she'll hang herself. If you intervene, it will just look spiteful and petty... Given enough time,she will trip over her own lies and the truth will come out...

It's true. She has not talked to any of the people I told about her A since it happened, for the past four months. I just told them the facts...

[1313]

CWOL, I would go nuts. In a sick sort of way I'm glad the split was so fast. I would not be able to sit there with a WW pretending all was fine (at this particular moment in time) and wait for the other shoe to drop. Funny, that's what my WW said she was afraid of and why she wouldn't trust me to change - although because of the gaslighting I found out there wasn't really that much to change. It was all BS.

Anyway, I got that "we can be friends - that's all we are now" crap as well. Saying I could keep working for her, I'd be a "valuable asset". They really are insane. I mean, I can see that when some people have an amicable split - realizing they weren't right for each other it can stay friendly. That's not what we have here. Do they really believe you're going to be "oh yeah, you 2 have a great time tonight!" and be there the next day?

I don't know - Sandi has given some insight to this and even she can't fully explain it.

Now, you're getting this crap where she knows you better than you know yourself. Yup. No kidding. One thing I've noticed with liars - Vapo is spot on with this - they can't keep track of it all. They start lying about the lies, and forget what lie was when - or even start to believe the lies!

My W has left a trail of stupid that I don't even have to bend over to pick up. Does she really believe it? I mean, her L and my L don't believe it. I've heard everything but "yeaaah, that's the ticket!" out of her.

I see a lot of similarities between a lot of us here. My WW fired off in one of her email tirades that I had told everyone that she had "lawyered up" and was having an A, when the problems were really between us.

Well, I've told 3 people - well 4, and 2 are professional acquaintance one via email who lives a long ways away. I had to tell both of them for different reasons. The other 2 are friends, one I bumped into in the market, the other I saw the day before this accusation. It was obvious from her "lawyered up" that she had been reading my emails.

So anybody else who knows - it came from her, her parents or her assistant. In fact, the guy I told last had already heard, and asked me what was going on. I don't embellish - I just say "she got a lawyer which surprised me, didn't want to try counseling (seriously) and has a boyfriend". So since that came from somebody in her business - I know it originated from her.

I think it's almost funny (if it weren't so tragic) that she says "it's between us" when there's an OM involved. Certainly, I did things wrong, wrong enough for her to consider having an A. But it's certainly not a chicken or egg thing. If the OM said take a hike, I have a pretty strong feeling our WW's would consider at the very least working things out. I don't believe they would have acted this way up to this point without an A going on.

Yup, your WW is going to trip herself up. You've got the truth. It's elegant, simple, straightforward and consistent. I'm just sorry that she's able to get away with as much as she is. But it's not over just yet.

[CWOL]

Actually, after WW refused any steps toward reconciliation or even seeing a therapist, I followed the advice from another website and exposed her affair to our friends, and the OM and his family. That really blew the A up, three weeks after I discovered her emails. It had both positive and negative fallouts...

The positive is that I got in front of her ability to "spin" the story, and got the facts out there. Also, she was denying that the OM had anything to do with it, using the standard ILYBINILWY BS, we've grown apart, etc. etc. But having the emails blew that to smithereens, so she couldn't continue to gaslight me.

The negative is that she really shut down afterwards, and although her mother initially pushed her to R with me, she secretly planned her divorce with her after WW was able to turn her. She stopped talking to her friends that I talked to, basically shut them out for the past four months. I don't think this is healthy for her at all.

The saga is still ongoing so not sure how this story is going to end...

[1313]

CWOL,
I have so-o-o-o wanted to tell everyone about her A. The OM is divorced and has been playing the field for 16 years. But the W has a reputation, and is being very careful to not let anybody know. In fact, she's spending tonight at a hotel with the OM before they go off to spring training in AZ with the rest of her high school chums - they're all getting a house together. I guess they couldn't stand the thought of pretending for a few nights.

I would love it if everybody knew at this little retreat. I really wish I could take her comfort level away. And, this guy is also concerned about his business - that might make him less comfortable as well.

I was quite tempted to leave a message on their facebook page. The assistant knows - and has been protecting the WW, even telling me there was no A. It's like - oh, so these emails and texts are all imaginary? Really?

I wish the OM was married, because I certainly would have contacted his W if that were the case. But this guy is incredibly under the radar. He has no social media page, no listed phone number, no address - I missed my chance to get it when I was privy to all of my W's business info. They're making sure that his info stays at her office. So all I have is an email address.

His cell phone number might even be hard to find as my carrier only shows numbers that are called, not texted. Even though I have my W's contacts list (I backed up all her PC info when that was my job), she made sure he's not in there!

Anyway, I've considered telling this one person who might have been the one to almost talk her into stopping the divorce last week. This person has only heard her twisted side of things, and when you tell the truth - all you have to do is say "ask them".

I'm not sure what's bad at your WW having to face her own choices and what people think of her for making those choices - everyone makes their own bed and has to lie in it.

With me, I'm becoming less sure that telling people would make matters worse. If anything, it would be one more reality the W would have to face. Right now, I'm the monster - people who she's talked to think I'm the one that filed, and I've been a total rat-bas*rd to her. I walked into the bank I've been going to for decades - and you'd think I was a leper. It was incredible. They even asked my Mother to take her account elsewhere. Can you believe that?