Ghost Busting - Time to accept what is happening

[Huddy]

I can see where you had problems with your counsellor Ghost.

In the UK, Relate etc. are set up to manage the end of relationship (when the two of you are the ends of the scale) instead of trying to fix it when you're lower down the scale. It's wrong, but having done it myself, you're better off on the forums. It's cheaper and more helpful getting advice on here!

[ATPeace]

Thank you huddy

Every morning I wake up and for that split second I either believe that I still have some hope or that I am still in a marrage then it hits me with the reality

My W is too far gone I believe there is too much at stake but I have done all the wrong things

The last few months I have not been pursuing her but she just seems to be getting further and further from me so I try to accept this

I just want to talk to her but this does not help it never has so no point on that one

She is not the woman that I married she has changed and I do not play a part of her happiness

I feel happier having now spoken to a soliciter and have the advice that perhaps thing will be ok for me

Day by day trying to keep strong fearing that one day she will meet with someone else and I do not know how I will cope with that day

I have to get out of this before that day ....long before that day

Thanks

Ghost

[ATPeace]

Well the days and the weeks go by and I still am no closer to moving out

I still spin and even tho I realise she will go through this I fight it I am still scared of being alone and not seeing my children everyday

I today tried putting myself in her shoes and tried to see it from her view
We are at very diffentent places

She really does not want very much to do with me
She does not want to spend time with me
She does not want to work in a relationship
She wants out
She wants to move on with her life
She probably feels trapped
She probably feels angry
She,probably feels bitter
She probably is unable to trust me
She does not believe my words
She no longer loves me

Have I missed anything

So the reality is i Cannot fix her and I have no control over this

She will do what she will do I know right now she is zero percent interested in making anything better and her better is separate Houses and divorced.

I do not want to be the one to instruct solicitors and I will probably regret not doing this once she has filed but in a strange way I still hope to be able to turn this around

While I am in house separation with her I can show her my changes tho they mean nothing to her and I really do not know how I can in affect change her mind.....I cannot she would have to want to do that

So.i have to get used to the idea of her being intermit with another man I have only ever been with her and she with me I know I have said that about a million times.

I have get used to seeing my kids less of the time

Perhaps my W meeting someone and them bringing up my children ....I hate this idea I am meant to be the dad not some other random stranger.

I have to get used to living without my partner of 25 years ...how the heck do I do this ?

I know I am not the first person to be in this position and I will not be the last

[rd500]

Hi G , this is so tough but it is reality so while I completely understand how your feeling , I was with W for 25 years , you need to move forward

W hurt you really badly but she did it once , you are hurting yourself every day , and you have to stop. Baby steps , GAL , get an activity that you enjoy and throw tyourself into that You are the solution here G , no one can make you feel better but you.

W has a journey to go on and she's taking it regardless of all else Maybe that journey has you in it at some point but not for a long time

I've read all your posts and your W isn't being cruel or nasty so be grateful for that

While I'm not in your shoes G , I am in mine and I've felt your pain and analysed Ws every word and action with the hope see would see sense but who's sense , mine or hers. I'm not a bad guy and neither are you but we have to accept that this is how life is , we could be in a wheelchair , blind , dead even and never have the chance to be happy again We have that chance so should we waste it or grab it with both hands

You and W separating could be the best thing ever G , who knows what in store for you Either way this is your reality so accept and become the best G possible

Think positive and follow DBing because it's the way through this

Stay strong mate. Rd

[Vapo]

G, it is about time you stopped feeling sorry for yourself and got your ass in gear a bit. No, you are not a poor helpless hatchling, you are a man, SO START ACTING LIKE ONE.

[CWOL]

G, you should follow the title of your thread and accept what is happening. Need a plan to move forward and be ATPeace as per your new alias.

[Vapo]

G, it is paramount that you reach the conclusion, that you will be fine either way. Why would you not be just fine without your W?!?

[ATPeace]

I do feel that I will be ok with or without my W I guess it comes down to how I would feel seeing her happy with another person and having that person bringing up my children and not having any control over this ....my youngest is just two so if my W met new man in 1 year of 5 years time she will still only be 7 and potentially end up calling him daddy ...I guess you do not need to be a birth parent to be classed as a daddy to a child ....

I should be happy that she is happy I just think if I had done things differently then perhaps we might still be together and I would not be here so I take a Lot if not all the blame for the breakdown of our marrage

It also comes down to the point that I thought that I could fix this I was wrong

[ATPeace]

RD

Thank you for your wise words again baby steps

[otw]

Why in the world do you think you can not control her bringing other men around your children? Yes after divorce is final you have no say but during a separation you have power to have that written in to agreement.

Even if you are going directly to a divorce why do you think this other man will be raining your children and them calling him daddy? You are acting as if you are not going to get 50/50 custody and just disappear.

You are their father. They know it and will never be able to replace you. I was brought up in a split home from 6 on. Never once was my father replaced.

Yes there were other men around but they were not my father or daddy.