I swear there some sparkling somewhere...(4)

[Sparkls]

He's unfollowed at least. Did that a while ago, didn't want to keep seeing his posts tagging OW in something stupid/funny.

God I just want him to come home.

[pinn]

Are you doing things for yourself sprakls? Use that gift of time!

[Sparkls]

Trying to. Going out with friends, counseling, Meds, etc.
Feels like time is running out...

[TimR]

Sorry you are having a rough week Sprakls, especially since this should be an exciting time for you. Try and get out more with friends and keep GALing. I think it is supposed to rain today so you might want to take a short walk with the doggies.

Can I ask, what are you doing to celebrate the end of your medical school and match week? What are you doing to celebrate how far you have come? Please make some plans, although you are in a tough spot and you feel horrible, you cannot neglect yourself and your accomplishments! Celebrate all the great things about you. Below I made a list of attributes that I have noticed just from your thread.

Strong
determined
loyal
intelligent
compassionate
kind hearted
successful
caring
likes dogs
athletic (even though you fell at the theatre)
gamer
can quote star trek
does not like to shop as much as Thornton and I (yes that is a good thing!)
adventurous

These are all things I just noticed about you from your thread. I am sure those that know you, know so many more. Celebrate you and be grateful for the wonderful woman you are!

[GWH]

Stay strong Sparks! My W closed out her FB then opened up a new account under her maiden name yesterday. It stung for a little while, but i have been NC with her for almost 2 weeks. Maybe it was just to get a rise out of me maybe not, but remember this time never runs out until you let it. You are the better person.

[Thornton]

Hang in there, Sparks.

Remember, H is not your reason for being. Take him off that damn pedestal. He's not as wonderful as you have made him out to be in your own mind.

It's weird, because I remember thinking my ex-wife was the only one for me. I put her on that pedestal. She was perfect in my mind.

Now... when I see her, I feel absolutely NOTHING. I don't feel sad at all. In fact, she bores me and I have no attraction what so ever for her.

As time passes, and IF things don't work out with H, you will feel the same way about your H as I do with my ex-wife.

And you will think back and wonder "why in the hell was I such a mess over him???".

It's pretty crazy how that happens. And it will happen for you if he decides to not come home. It's scary to think about not caring about him anymore but when you actually don't care, it won;t matter anymore.

And IF H doesn't come home, you will meet a man. And you will fall head over heels in love with him. And he will make your H look like child's play. You will see qualities in this man that you H never had. And then you will wonder why you settled for H.

It will happen, Sparks. And when it does, I hope you let me know so I can say "TOLD YA!".

Hang in there.

[Sparkls]

I don't think he's my reason for being, I just want him in my life. I know he's flawed but I don't care, I want him around anyway, ya know?

As for this week: I don't know since all of my friends are married and have family coming in for match, they will largely be spending time with their fams.

I can't shake this feeling that what I'm doing is wrong. Not talking to him, not trying to keep him a part of my life. Mind reading alert but if he did do it because it's hard to see me, shouldn't I keep the pressure on, keep showing him who he's walking away from? If I keep doing what I'm doing, aren't I making it easier for him to ignore me and run away?

[Thornton]

Nope. Read up on the countless stories about people pursuing the WAS and trying to stay connected.

I've never seen one single story where this was successful.

Go back and read the Last Resort Technique in DR. Michelle says it never works when we try to keep that connection with a WW partner.

He has to miss you, Sparks. AND if he does want to come back, and you let him come back without any resistance, he will leave again. Just look at me.

I should have made W work for me. I didn't, and she realized she still had my balls in her purse. I was too eager to relieve my pain.

Plus, do you REALLY want him back if you have to convince him to come home??? Or do you want him to genuinely want to come home and to make that decision without any influence from you?

I sure as hell don't W to come back because she pity's me. I want her to come back because she realizes she has a deep, profound love for me and that she was hasty in making her decision to leave me.

If she does come back and it's not because she genuinely loves me, it will only be a matter of time before I back on this website, crying in my beer.

[Thornton]

One last thing...

The last time I was here, I went through my nightmare with a LBS named TO34. Many people have spoken about her story here.

You remind me very much of TO. At first, she just couldn't see any light at the end of the tunnel. But slowly, she started getting stronger and she started to back off and detach. Eventually she was so strong, she was willing to walk away from it all. She had had enough. That's when her H started coming back around.

But I remember to she wrote her posts almost identical to the way you write your posts. I would encourage you to read her story.

She did it, and so can you.

[GWH]

Good advice Thornton. Sparks, it will only push him further away.