My first post - please be nice.

[Georgia Bulldogs]

"I love you but I'm not in love with you" and "I need/want space" are code words for affairs. If you haven't ruled it out absolutely...you must because how you handle a wayward wife situation is completely different than how you handle a walk away wife situation.

When my wife cheated I also got pursued for sex because OM lived 1000 miles away from us and she needed to release her [their] pent up sexual energy. If your wife is doing the same thing....consider that she's likely having just an emotional affair with someone local or very far away with a lot of sexuality involved. Once the affair becomes actually physical (which she fully intends to explore the idea and then do after she moves out) wayward wives typically no longer have any desire to have any sex with you. You become gross in comparison to wonderful OM.

It's also suspicious how invested she is in you keeping this a secret from her friends and parents If you were that bad....she'd be leaning on them for support and comfort during this difficult process of separating from her awful neglectful husband. Instead she's keeping it a secret which leads me to believe she wants the space strictly to pursue another man and test her feelings about him once she's out. This is typical wayward thinking....she doesn't want to decide today what she wants forever so she insists on keeping all options open to her and continue with her secret relationship while you remain her open back up plan.


Also...if you were a neglectful husband, consider that the 180 plan for you is to be the opposite of how you were. I'm not suggesting you shower her with gifts and "I love you's" but fully doing Sandy's list as laid on on these forums is not really doing Michele Weiner Davis's 180 plan. You've got one month to demonstrate you care and that you can change your priorities and become a better husband. Once she moves out....then you can flip or alter your 180 plan to focus more on you. Otherwise, Sandi's plan will just reinforce to your wife that you really don't care about her.

Therefore, in my opinion, I think you should snoop on her using a voice activated digital recorder hidden in her car so that you can determine once and for all whether your wife is engaged in an emotional or physical affair. I'm not suggestion unhealthy snooping whereby you obsess day and night over watching and spying on her. Rather a short term investigative process whereby you seek to discover the absolute truth about your life. Don't ask her....she won't tell you or admit anything until you have irrefutable evidence. The wall of denial is steep. Get the truth. If she's cheating, you'll need to get off this "oh I ruined my marriage" crap and on to "I need to save my wife from making the biggest mistake of her life".

Your church also needs to be aware if she is behaving adulterous. She shouldn't be leading.

Oh...if she's cheating...you don't help her move out. If not...you can help.