Rednail- Me, Myself, and I

[mustardseed]

So far, no no one has filed or done anything. I have done research, talking to L's, everything I can to be prepared. I even have D papers on me in my house just so I have them.

Yeah, I really would like to save, move out as soon as I can. He says he is filling as soon as I get a job. I am currently waiting for my cna license to give me my test date. I have a under the table secret job no one knows about too but that is only a little bit of money right now.

Yeah I know if I made the agreement he could kick me out at anytime, which is why I told him I will not agree to anything unless it is written into the divorce. I will make sure ANY AND EVERY agreement is legal!

I am working on new set of boundaries for myself and hopefully a moving out plan. I know staying in the house is best financially for both of us but I just feel like I would never move on from him and be stuck kissing his booty as long as I lived here.

He called 5x, left 2 VM, and 1 text. I do not think it was important, the only thing he said was our daughter was cute in her dress, he asked for a photo the other day and just now replied about it and then both voicemail's said hey and hey when you get the chance call me back.

I can't be NC everyday because of the babies but I'm trying to be as NC as I can be. If he calls later I might answer since it takes like 5 minutes of effort to call from work but if not, then I'll answer tomorrow 1x.

To call from work he has to call 2 different people, have them call "his wife", and then be connected to my cell or house phone.

Still debating if he does if I should. I don't know.

I went and splurged at Victoria's Secret. 3 matching sets! My mom calls it my dating collection. All this new lingerie and matching sets no one will get to see but I have LOL.

Also, since he is in the house without you there trust that he is probably snooping. Keep anything you don't want him to find in an allies home or a file at work--including anything from the L.

[Rednail]

Mustardseed- Yes I keep all my important stuff at my moms or best friends house. Only thing he can find here is divorce papers, and if he finds them then I really do not care. He wants one anyways.

I talked to him last night and today.

Last night he texted me late last night and I just replied with kids are good, sleeping and they had a busy day out. Left it at that.

Today he texted me How are my babies. (He is starting starting to ask 2-4x a day everyday.)

I dialed his number on the phone and Let D5 call him. She talked then s3 talked and s3 hung up

He called back so I took it.
H- hey I wanted to talk to you. I forgot to tell you x and I put in for days.

Me-okay what days? Should I put it on the calender(me thinking vacation days)

H- no..day shift. We think We need a change. Try something new.

Me(IN MY HEAD) :ARE YOU F-IN KIDDING ME. I BEGGED YOU TO GO TO DAYS SO YOU COULD BE HOME FOR DINNER AND WITH US. YOU TURNED DOWN DAYS 4TIMES IN 2 YEARS YOU POS. I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO HAVE YOU HOME EVERY NIGHT TO HELP PUTNTHEM TO SLEEP BUT YOU SWITCH FOR YOUR SL-T BAG SO YOU CAN HAVE 7NIGHTS A WEEK OFF INSTEAD OF ONE.REALLY..REALLY.

Me-oh well I have to go finish getting kids ready so ill see you tomorrow

H- why are you rushing off, why do you sound so pissy

Me- I'm not,I'm trying to get the kids packed and ready for school and I'm busy.

H-I'm trying to talk to you and you are just being pissy

Me- Is there something else you need to tell me ?

H-well no..but..like..

Me- Alright well I'm busy taking care of the kids. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

H- breathing into phone but refusing to talk - usually id cave and be like fine what do you want to talk about etc

Me- ok well I'm hanging up..Byeeeee (can't say I hung up on him )

I probably was colder then I should have been and a little mean but I'm just.. I don't even know people.

[TxHubby]

No, you did well. He's a major league cake-eater. You have to take the cake away and be prepared for the temper tantrum he'll throw as a result of it. He likes his cake. He wants it to continue. The problem is that would kill you. You're too young and have too much life ahead of you to tolerate a cake-eater that thinks he can have a wife/mother at his beck and call and live with a girlfriend. If he was sane at this moment he'd see what a ridiculous situation he's trying to perpetuate. There are consequences for leaving the family home and choosing a girlfriend. First, and foremost, is unrestricted access to you and the kids. You have to cut that off. He can talk with them on the phone when it fits into your schedule. He can come over when it fits into your schedule. After all, you're not the one who abandoned the family.

[Rednail]

Thank you txhubby. That is what I'm trying to do. Be "busy" and show him that I'm not avaliable 24-7. Not to be mean, not to keep the kids away, but I'm tired of having him expect me to always be able to reach me.

Anyone have any idea on how to get my toddlers to STOP telling H EVERYTHING when he asks? He knows what my life is without asking me.

D5 was like well I went to School, I had to pee 3times. I had x for snack. mom made lunch,she made x.y.z. then booboo. (My mom ) came over and we went to the mall. Mommy bought victoria secrets bras they are so pretty and we had chinese for dinner.etc etc SUCH a big mouth on such a little girl

[Rednail]

YOU GUYS! I HAVE A JOB! LIKE A JOB JOB!

Okay so my under the table job working as many hours as I can- 12$ an hour..96-120$ a week MINIMUM any hours I want at my bosses house.

D5 school has me as a AS NEEDED sub so call me in once in a blue moon..WELL THE DIRECTOR-OWNER asked me today if I would come in part time from NOW until MAY 10$ an hour, S3 can come for FREE and D5 is already there for prek and that is free! 7am-12:30pm then if they have room for the summer they will try to keep me on. About 1100$ a month before taxes

Still waiting for CNA testing and at the very least I can even do that afternoons, nights, or weekends for extra side money too or start this summer if I can't stay at D5 school!

I am REALLY scared to tell H.. he says he will go file as soon as I have a legit job. I am not emotionally ready for that I don't think, even though I know it's where we are going. I just don't think I can handle doing divorce papers the week or two before S3 turns 4!

[broke]

Red,

Congratulations! So proud of you! That is really great news. H is going to find out about the job at some point. My suggestion would be wait until he brings up filling for D. If he does, ask him to wait until after S3's bday (my H was kind enough to wait until after the holidays and my bday). He's such a cake eater, I am not sure he will really file anyway…..but, don't mind read because I don't want you to listen to anything I say because I don't think I'd be in this situation if I just would've DB'ed when this whole thing happened.

Anyway, celebrate your job right now! Enjoy the moment - don't worry about the D for a little bit.

[Rednail]

Broke- I adore you. You always make me smile. I am going to celebrate! I know D5 will probably tell him anyways since I will be working at her school next to her classroom..

WELL HOPEFULLY he likes to cake eat and will give me time still to figure my life out and not go file the same week I tell him. I don't think he cares though, he left me 3 weeks before xmas and never even got me a gift and even brought it up a few days ago and asked if I was mad I didn't get the gift he promised me.

A romantic night out, just us, going to dinner or a show, while we were separated that he would plan ALL on his own so it would be special(hence why I thought we were going to work on our marriage the first month or so he left up until 1-2 weeks before I found out about the OW he kept saying he was planning something special. A hole.

[Painter]

I don't know that you have to tell him, but if you do, tell him its a temp job for 2 months. It will give you a chance to save up some for becoming independent.

I laughed out loud when I read about the Victoria's Secret being not so secret - I think it was awesome! Way to make him see you moving on!

You know, I don't think there is a judge in the world who would expect you to live in the house with H coming and going as he liked when he left you for another woman, and that the offer is only good as long as you are single. That's just so unreasonable, and I don't think any judge would let H attach those conditions to the offer.

I understand what the L is saying about turning down the offer looks bad for the kids, but you should be able to change the locks and H will have to stick to a schedule and take the children with him somewhere else to visit, and you should be free to see who you want in your home.

[Rednail]

That is a good idea painter..if I tell him I'll just say: Hey I got a part time temp 2 month job while I am waiting to finish up and get my CNA stuff and try to find a full time job.

I am actually seeing ANOTHER L -women L at in 1 hour for an appt. I am going to get another opinion..get some more insight. Maybe it will be different talking to a women D lawyer vs all the other are males.

Today will be a info filled day, that is for sure.

MY GAL is pole dancing class at 8pm. LOL it's open house so I'm going to go with my mom and her friends/coworkers to see how good we are at working the pole.

[mustardseed]

A few thoughts. I'm on my lunch break and I don't have much time so I apologize if this gets cut short.
1) the job. Congratulations!!! That is fantastic and perfect timing.
2) disclosing information to H. I say don't give him any info unless he asks. Yes he will find out, either through the kids or through the disclosure process if you get to that point. However, right now any piece of your life you share with him is feeding him. If he asks about it just say "yes" and leave it at that. If he is like my H then I would say you are better off not telling him you want him to wait until after S3 Bday. All that does is give him information he will try to use to get to you. Prepare for what the news of your job might do.

There is a wave coming. Use it. The under the table job. Keep to yourself