I swear there some sparkling somewhere...(4)

[Sparkls]

I don't know who this is anymore. Maybe this has been him the whole time and I just was blinded to it.
I'm trying to find some positive. (and it's mind reading but I have to find something positive other than him just doing this to get me even more out of his life). Maybe it was too hard for him to see me doing something we did together so it was easier to block me.
Or he's just done. Gone. And I'll never get him back.

[Thornton]

I know the feeling, Sparks.

My W is a HUGE Facebook junkie. She basically lives on Facebook. So when she changed her status to single, I was GUTTED.

Even during the first time we split, she left her status alone. She was still in a R with me on Facebook the whole time we were apart. She changed her status to single this time on Valentine's day. That was a major kick in the teeth for me.

And that was the day I decided I would no longer snoop, check in on, ask about, or inquire about her. I decided I was going to try and pretend that she passed away. And flipping it in my mind like that does seem to help me. Maybe it will help you?

IF he's gone, there's nothing you can do about it. But your sitch is still so early, Sparks. You have so much time to play with. Try not to think too far into the future because you never know what can happen.

I know it hurts like hell. Feel your feelings until you no longer care.

Hang in there.

[TimR]

"I don't know who this is anymore. Maybe this has been him the whole time and I just was blinded to it."

Its funny you said that sparkls, I just had a conversation today with a friend who I said the same exact thing to. She knew WW when they were young and has been a mutual friend of ours for quite some time. Her response was she always had some of that in her but agreed not anything like how she is now. Maybe we have a script just like WS.

Personally I think we all have a little selfish, self centered side to us. I think whatever they are going through really heightens it and brings it out in them something fierce.

[Sparkls]

The irresponsibility isn't new. But the whole being mean just to hurt me. Saying things to just try and piss me off (on d-day), that's not something I've ever seen in him before. But OW is exactly the kind of woman he went for before he dated me. His best friend told me that he thought H was lucky to have me, that I was the best thing that ever happened to him, and that H has always chosen batsh*t crazy women in the past and I'm the first girlfriend he's had that he didn't think was insane.

Mutual friends can't believe what he's doing. Everyone thinks he's being a jackass etc.

But it all doesn't matter. Nothing I do matters. Nothing his friends say matters.

[Thornton]

Your H sounds like a codependent. He gels with women he feels are below him so he can fix them and be their hero.

I've been thinking lately that maybe he feels intimidated by the fact you will be a doctor soon. Like he doesn't measure up as a man.

I know for me, I take ALOT of pride in being the breadwinner. I'm a provider like a lot of men are. It defines who I am as a man.

I knew one guy whose wife made a lot more money than he did. You what he did? He worked 3 jobs day and night JUST so he could say he was the breadwinner. That's how important it was to him.

I'm not sure if your H is like this or not but from what you said about his previous GF's, there appears to be a pattern.

Think about it.. why in the ever loving hell would a man leave a soon to be doctor for someone unemployed with psych problems???

^^^ That is not normal, Sparks.

[TimR]

That is another similarity in our sitchs. My WW always went for losers, I mean REAL losers. Now she is another loser. We used to joke about how some guys have all the lines and I would reply cause they have nothing else going for them. They have to talk a good game because that's all they got, no means to support a woman, no car to take em on dates, no money in their pockets to buy nice things and all that talk goes away when times get real. Maybe my WW prefers the words against the things that really count.

[Thornton]

My W dated men that cheated on her and beat her up.

So when she left me, everyone was like "huh?".

I was the guy that adored her. I bought her a house for crying out loud. I became a father to her daughter. I rescued her from so much sh!t in her life.

Maybe some people are just addicted to the drama?

[Sparkls]

I think H reverted back to being 19 again. When we first started dating, I repeatedly asked him if he'd be ok with me being the breadwinner. He said yes, and has always acted like it was ok.
But he's been with me for 8 years. Clearly whatever it was didn't bother him that much. Until OW came into the picture> then suddenly he didn't want this life. Suddenly being a SAHD isn't good enough. Suddenly, despite always supporting his dreams, I've stifled them. I never judged him or thought less of him for wanting to be a stay at home dad. But I also would've been perfectly fine if he said he didn't want to and he wanted to open a small business or whatever. But that's all forgotten now.
You're right, it's not normal. Everyone has said that. Why leave a doctor who loves you and plays video games with you for an unemployed crazy chick.

All of that is all fine and dandy. I can over analyze him till the cows come home. It's not going to help me get him to come home. I can't not be a doctor. I can't not be successful. I can't not be caring and kind. I can't not be smart and driven. And worst of all, I can't stop loving him even with how much he's hurting me. And I'm just repeatedly punished for it.
I can't help but feeling I was better off when I didn't let anyone get this close.

[Sparkls]

My heart hurts so much this morning.
I wonder if I should just remove all remaining means of interaction with him (like defriend on facebook)...

[pinn]

I blocked WW as soon as she removed 'married' from FB. I am not dealing with that. Probably one of the best moves I made. I also unfollowed any friends that would post stuff or pictures of her. It also kept me from snooping on her page. Gosh, I haven't been to her page in months now. I rarely even see her name on FB anymore.

At the very least, you should unfollow him.