Endofit, yes, it is SO sad. I've pretty much confirmed that it was ow that I saw yesterday looking pretty grim. And that was the day after I got the text from W saying "I am so sorry." But she's run away again, and went from "Can we talk tonight" to "Maybe it's not such a good idea to talk. I have no real topic."
It's maddening. She misses me, she contacts me, she backs off. I wish I had just called her immediately upon receiving the text. I would have more information.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Actually I've bee where you're at and wish I would've stuck to my DBng. I wasn't ready and I don't think you are either. I believe that we have to be truly detached before they come back 100%. I'm no longer allowing myself to be the safety net or fall back. I am polite but matter of fact. I have gained more ground in the short time I have been detaching than 6 months of being the freaking doormat! Stick to your guns! Act as if you are indifferent whether you talk or not, you have better stuff to do after all. Just my experience from making tons of mistakes.
Me: 39 W: 38 S: 15 D: 12 D: 6 BD 8/15 NEED SPACE S 2/16 Divorced 4/17 and loving it, waw came back 12/17.....I declined
Do you see W very often? What was it like when you were the safety net? Was that between 8/15 and 2/16???
It seems almost impossible for me to be indifferent. I'm so afraid she'll slip away.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Endofit, yes, it is SO sad. I've pretty much confirmed that it was ow that I saw yesterday looking pretty grim. And that was the day after I got the text from W saying "I am so sorry." But she's run away again, and went from "Can we talk tonight" to "Maybe it's not such a good idea to talk. I have no real topic."
It's maddening. She misses me, she contacts me, she backs off. I wish I had just called her immediately upon receiving the text. I would have more information.
IMO, she wants back to where you were but doesn't know how to accomplish that. She probably figures she's messed everything up beyond repair. Just my opinion/gut feeling based on her continually contacting you but not being able to tell you what she'd like to. Next time this happens leave off the "about what" question. Say yes, keep your mouth shut, and listen.
Yes I was the safety net for 6 months, and she just kept getting further and further away. She became more and more reckless with her A.
So I am detaching, going dim and already she is noticing.
I think you have to get to a point where you don't care if you lose them. You have to shuffle the deck and make them be afraid that you are the one slipping away before they will truly awaken from the fog.
And as I type this I realize that I can live without her!! especially the "her" she is now. Matter of fact the "her" she is now disgusts and repulses me.
Me: 39 W: 38 S: 15 D: 12 D: 6 BD 8/15 NEED SPACE S 2/16 Divorced 4/17 and loving it, waw came back 12/17.....I declined
IMO, she wants back to where you were but doesn't know how to accomplish that. She probably figures she's messed everything up beyond repair. Just my opinion/gut feeling based on her continually contacting you but not being able to tell you what she'd like to. Next time this happens leave off the "about what" question. Say yes, keep your mouth shut, and listen.
I agree with With TxHubby. Next time just set up a meeting. Glad the interview went well! And there were no bus accidents in the vicinity.....:-)
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
NYGal, I feel the same way you do when H reaches out to me, and then backs away. It's agonizing. But I agree with TxHubby and taking notes for my own sitch. Act as if b/c from what I understand, they want to know you're moving on before they can even fathom coming back. Tough concept to wrap our heads around but, that seems to be the running trend. And either way, we'll be stronger for it.
"Be messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways."
Ny While I think you should just meet next time I am reluctant to say that to you. I'm not sure you can handle it. That being said I am no better! I have a good amount of interaction with my W lately but we have kids. To the point where my mother said why don't you guys just move back in together! Nothing seems to be making her come around and want anything but it does feel good. Then you crash. I don't pursue at speak anything like that but the thoughts rush. We had to have a talk about kid schedule changing today and I didn't want to because I knew I just wanted to say lets just fix this and not worry about it!
Back to you
I am afraid you will break. I know you believe the contact keeps her close. I understand that. I am actually considering if I need to pull away again or if I am building something.
You need to be able to validate and listen. If she try's to pull things out of you then you need to have to be somewhere. Don't let her into your mind in this one. Let her talk. Then if you need to make sure she isn't thinking you are done and she will walk forever tell her it is something that you both would need to really work on and possibly discuss further. Another time
Hope I make sense.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Thanks everyone, I see now that asking was the worst thing to do. At the time I thought I was being coy and standoffish. I really sukc at this DBing!
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
otw, I'm not going to break. I've almost always done really well when we meet, and she's always looking me up and down and admiring. Last time she said how much she misses how cool I am... So I'm trying to be cooler! Not sure what you meant by this: "Then if you need to make sure she isn't thinking you are done and she will walk forever tell her it is something that you both would need to really work on and possibly discuss further."
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
