My first post - please be nice.

[sandi2]

I saw you post on another member's thread, and I wanted to respond to you about what you said.

Sorry. Didn't pay attention to the date in your original post. But sounds like you're doing good and drudging ahead and forging out a life for yourself. I just don't know if I can. I don't know how not to be her husband. For the past 5 years that's what I've identified as. Now I'm somehow magically supposed to change my entire way of thinking? Which may or may not be impossible to do. But it doesn't make it any easier when she's in the other room (which used to be OUR bedroom) sitting on the computer, probably on Facebook, talking to her little Facebook friends about who knows what. While I'm sitting here in a divorce forum trying to piece my life together while it's falling apart around me and feeling like I am failing at life.

The above quote sounds as if the MR and your role of H identifies who you are. But when I read the first paragraph in your first post (quoted below), it sounds as if you put the MR very low on your list of priorities.

No where to start but to come straight out and say it: I ruined my marriage. I treated it like a hobby and I always lived under the illusion that I could act/say/do whatever (never cheated though) and my wife would stay with me, because...well...because marriage. So, I blew it. I admit it. Also, to continue my rash of screw ups, what did I do when she told me? Refer to item #1 in the list of things to NOT do...I did that...all of that.

So, are you saying you were a rotten H? If so, then why do you say you don't know how else to be.... except her H?

You have been a H for the past five years, right? So, what were you like before you got M? What was there about you that attracted her? Can you find that guy again, or would you need to create a completely new one?

Who were your role models for how a good M should look?