It has taken me 6 months and I have spilled untold blood for my WW but now i realize what she is. I almost feel sorry for her when she is spewing her garbage from the WW playbook. Her new favorite is to threaten D every time I call her on some BS. Sandi I would love to know how you would handle the threats of D.
Me: 39 W: 38 S: 15 D: 12 D: 6 BD 8/15 NEED SPACE S 2/16 Divorced 4/17 and loving it, waw came back 12/17.....I declined
I pretty much know for a fact my W is going to file when she get's the money. A couple weeks back i called her bluff, and told her i went online, and downloaded D papers, and that they were ready to sign. Well guess what? Yeah she showed up to sign them. I hurried up, and told her i changed my mind, and if she wanted a divorce she can file. That really backfired on me.
I think I am getting to the point where the threat of divorce has lost its edge.
I am starting to believe that the woman I married and was in love with for 20 years no longer exists. I am holding out a very small glimmer of hope that she will snap out of her affair fog but I don't see it. My situation is extremely difficult because the AP is another woman.
I am now moving on to a place where I have to try and GAL and go forward as if I will never be with her again. THAT is the hard part.
Me: 39 W: 38 S: 15 D: 12 D: 6 BD 8/15 NEED SPACE S 2/16 Divorced 4/17 and loving it, waw came back 12/17.....I declined
Trust me, you don't want to start the D proceedings. Not only is it very expensive, it puts a lot of pressure on your life. Use your time wisely to GAL and detach as best you can.
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
Thanks for the reply Cadet! I ask myself is my W really worth the fight after being cheated on? I see it this way we both failed each other in our M. At one time she was the fighter, and i in a sense was the quitter(did not listen) and she got to the point where she crossed the line, and figured there was no return(infidelity) Well now it's my turn to fight while she's in this crazy stage in her life. It's not all my fault i know that, but i did help put her there.The DR book has surely gave me a new approach to things, and how a marriage should be. I'm not going to give up on my W, but while i have time on my side i'm going to become better man i know i can be.
GWH, aside from the part about infidelity (which I am working under the assumption there is no OM). I could have wrote this paragraph. This is my story. I've even heard the words "crossed the line". I've even said the words " my turn to fight ". And "be a better man". It's rather odd how eeriely similar a lot of the guys stories are on here. You would've thought we all sat around and cumulatively decided to be bad husbands (I'm sure that's what our WAS think). I'm behind you brother. I had a major panic attack chicken little the sky is falling episode today. The guys and girls on this forum are awesome. I couldn't of made it this far without them.
M:36 W:31 D:12 M: 8/9/10 ILYBNILWY/"want space": 2/14-ish/16 W moved out 5/24/16.
Thanks for the reply Cadet! I ask myself is my W really worth the fight after being cheated on? I see it this way we both failed each other in our M. At one time she was the fighter, and i in a sense was the quitter(did not listen) and she got to the point where she crossed the line, and figured there was no return(infidelity) Well now it's my turn to fight while she's in this crazy stage in her life. It's not all my fault i know that, but i did help put her there.The DR book has surely gave me a new approach to things, and how a marriage should be. I'm not going to give up on my W, but while i have time on my side i'm going to become better man i know i can be.
GWH, aside from the part about infidelity (which I am working under the assumption there is no OM). I could have wrote this paragraph. This is my story. I've even heard the words "crossed the line". I've even said the words " my turn to fight ". And "be a better man". It's rather odd how eeriely similar a lot of the guys stories are on here. You would've thought we all sat around and cumulatively decided to be bad husbands (I'm sure that's what our WAS think). I'm behind you brother. I had a major panic attack chicken little the sky is falling episode today. The guys and girls on this forum are awesome. I couldn't of made it this far without them.
Not only the guys on here but guys I know out here in the RW who have been thru it. Its like when a woman decides to go WW they go to the WW academy and all work out of the same playbook. As i said before it would almost be comical if it wasn't so sad and destroyed so many lives.
Me: 39 W: 38 S: 15 D: 12 D: 6 BD 8/15 NEED SPACE S 2/16 Divorced 4/17 and loving it, waw came back 12/17.....I declined
It's a shame that it takes our H/W to be a WAS for us to realize hey we need to wake up. Problem is many times it's to late then, but then again now time is your friend, and so much great advice is given here plus your have the DB, and DR books. There's nothing wrong with not giving up.
Collin it's been a little over 2 months since my W left, and i still have those moments everyday.
on netflix there is an andy stanley sermon on "starting over". i know a lot of mega-church pastors have a bad rap (and a lot of them deservedly so). but this is a 4 part teaching, only about 30 mins each episode. i found it to be super helpful. everyone on here talks about time, time, time, time. i was the kind of guy, i was like screw time, i want what i want and i want it to happen now and if it doesn't happen know i'm going to try even harder to make it happen now, because now is convenient for me and i'm in no mood to wait. well, whenever you post your first post, cadet gives you a list of stuff to read and follows it up with "they gave you a gift...the gift of time". well one of andy stanley's teachings on starting over is, time is your friend. it allows you to do what you need to do to be a better you so you don't keep on making the same mistake over and over again.
he doesn't get overly preach-y with it and i found it to be very succinct, to the point and VERY helpful.
M:36 W:31 D:12 M: 8/9/10 ILYBNILWY/"want space": 2/14-ish/16 W moved out 5/24/16.
Yes, and while we have this time we must use it wisely. It's hell not knowing what our future may hold for us. Everyday we all hold on to this little sliver bit of hope praying that what we learn works to save our M, but if it doesn't at least we come out a better person in the end. It's tough for all of us, and that's why i love this forum. Everyone is here to support one another, and the advice given goes along way.
Sorry GWH. I have read your sitch and as all above say, it is typical script that they all use. Many variables are different but bottom line is that they are done with us LBS. For now that is. Noone knows the future. Especially not the WW in the fog.
Only we can work to be better. You recognize your part in this whole thing, but take responsibility for only YOUR part. Like T said this will be a rough ride and a long journey of a thousand steps but the people here are great and we are all a big family. Maybe a sad, lonely unhappy family but that is just for now. Keep your head up and detach and try to GAL.
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
