So Much Time is Passing By Pt. II

[HopeRB]

Hit submit too soon. I feel a shadow of him in me. A deep hole in my heart, my body and as if literally a piece of my brain and life are missing. I feel empty in some ways and incomplete in some ways and ok in others.

[TimR]

I understand Hope. That's why they say you become one person when marrying. Now 1/2 of you is missing. The only thing I can think of is WAS must feel similar, although they surely do not show it to us.

[CWOL]

Now that we are not together, I wander will I ever have a child of my own. This is such a depressing thought to me and breaks my heart.

Tim, having my son was the most wonderful things that happened to me. We literally spent all of our energy on him and gave him everything we have. We got to travel the world with him, I put him in sports that I wasn't able to do myself during my childhood, and I believe he had a very happy childhood until now. It makes me so sad that WW is turning our world upside down, and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

I don't mean to be sexist but, as a man, you do have the opportunity to have children even if your current marriage ends in D. Your biological clock ticks at a much slower pace than a woman's. You may yet meet someone that will carry your future child, and bring you the happiness you deserve. I would just caution that you make sure you don't make any of the mistakes you have with your current W, because it is irreversible once you have a child. You will be in each others' lives forever. This is something I think about every day, as without my son it would be very easy to walk away from this marriage.

[broke]

I feel a shadow of him in me. A deep hole in my heart, my body and as if literally a piece of my brain and life are missing. I feel empty in some ways and incomplete in some ways and ok in others.

Wow, that quote really says it all doesn't it? Hope - I can't offer much advice today, but wanted to say that I completely understand how you feel. I wouldn't wish D or S on my worst enemies. It truly is the worst roller coaster I have every been on (and I used to love roller coasters). Today hasn't been so great and I am just so tired. And, I know you are too. I wish that I had some really great words of encouragement.

All I can say is what I plan to do for me tonight (in the same emotional place as you). I am going to GAL at divorce care. I am going to continue to detach from my H. I am going to continue to "stand for my marriage" while detaching for my sanity. And, hope and pray that the DB'ing will someday make me realize that I have dropped the rope and become the best version of myself. It is going to have to be a conscious decision today not to allow myself to get too deep into sorrow.

We can do this, Hope. We have to stay strong and continue to move forward.

[HopeRB]

Thank you broke. I think the sorrow sits within me as I'm able to put on a face, be functional and trudge through. These are just my thoughts and verbalizing what's going on inside my heart.

I just wish I had some sort of glance of hope that H will turn away from what he's doing and come back. No, I'm not counting on it but I do have hope.

I just got home from GALing: found a class that has an interesting take on yoga so I went there and loved it! I'm going to do it once a week. Been applying for jobs all day and trying to figure out other crap that I am being forced to deal with.

Ugh journaling: I noticed that when I am feeling overwhelmed, any and every loud sound drives me crazy. I wish I could just get a break. Wishing my H would realize what he has done...and more importantly that he has the power to change this and be my H again.

[HopeRB]

Is there any hope when in NC? He hasn't reached out at all...and he lives about 8 blocks away.

[Thornton]

Of course there is!

In fact it worked for me 18 months ago.

Trust me, he hasn't forgotten about you and still thinks about you. He wouldn't be human if he didn't.

Use this time to work on healing yourself and getting strong, so that WHEN you do talk to H, he see's someone that radiates confidence and has a glow about them.

Hang in there, Hope. I'm right there with you on the NC. It's been 6 weeks now for me. And I know Pinn went around 7 months NC and his W has been pinging him lately.

Time takes time.

And something Mother Thornton still tells me to this day..

"Let your faith be bigger than your fear."

We'll get through this together, Hope!

[Zues126]

Hey Hope, been a bit quiet lately but am keeping up.

I just posted on Thornton's thread, please check it out. In general I'd say that while there is always 'hope', there is no guarantee. NC or not, 180s or not, there is nothing you can do to control H back into the R. I also think the timelines involved on those couples that do R is longer than you think if you're measuring progress on a monthly basis. WAH is on a long journey and we don't know where it leads.

NC is for both of you. It allows him to go on his journey. And it gives you the opportunity to detach so each step he takes doesn't cause you pain. It takes time to get there, but you will get through. As for what 'works', again, while NC doesn't 'work' in terms of making things better, it doesn't make things worse like pursuing does. Hang in.

[HopeRB]

Thanks for those kind, uplifting words Thornton. This morning was a bit tough, but I pulled through and getting on with my day.

Zues, your words are always truth daggers and you're right, there can always be hope, but no guarantee. I feel like I'm ready to drop the rope. No I'm not. I don't know. I'm sad without him. I know you're also right that timelines involved in this sort of thing are longer than I think. What took years to break down will take a long time to build up. Just hope he doesn't forget about me or move on without me as his wife. I don't even think H knows where his road leads. Last time I saw him, he said he doesn't know what he's doing with his life.

NC causes alot of pain when you've talked/slept with this person everyday for so many years. And I can't help but have future projections and think 8 years ago, I never thought I'd be here and now where will I be in another 8 years. I really hate all of this but I have faith and trust in the process.

[broke]

Hope,

Glad you were able to get through the morning and start your day! I agree that this is so hard. But I want to remind you that you are doing everything that you can by detaching and going NC. It is for yourself and for standing by your marriage. I want you to give yourself credit for being stronger than you think you are. No one that hasn't been through this turmoil can truly understand how difficult it is. It's a daily emotional minefield. Keep going - you can do this. I hope you have some more of those classes you enjoyed scheduled this week!