Thank Wii, you hit on something big for me that made me cry. (I've been doing a lot of that lately, my contacts hate me for it.)
I realize I have never exercised self-respect in any of my romantic relationships. Not with ex, (that was the least respectful of them all, I still look back and cringe on how disrespectful I was to myself from the moment we started dating, even before, until after he left). I did not respect myself in any of my other half relationships either. History repeats itself, I give, they take, when I need a little more, they go. But I try to hold on for dear life. I did a little on this one, but there was an option to take only what he was willing to give, and I decided not to, like the other ones.
This time, I respected myself early on and let go of someone I cared for dearly. That is also a part of why I couldn't go on without a level of commitment and effort. I cared very deeply for him and I would only become resentful over time if I let my needs go unmet. No one can respect me unless I respect myself.
Today is 8 years from the bomb. 8 YEARS. The 8 years is only tough because as usual, I'm not quite where I want to be. But I am leaps and bounds from where I was. This day, 8 years ago, changed everything. Changed my adulthood. My parenting. Everything. I also noticed that all my relationships end in march. This would be the 3rd, lol. March isn't my month. But hey, maybe things come to an end and its time for new beginnings. Like the beginning of spring! yeah, that's as corny as I get.
I've got IC tonight and it's the first since it was totally over. I actually can't wait. I'll cry, she will listen and encourage me and help me move on. My IC is a gem, and I always walk out feeling better, maybe even a little empowered.
