the road goes ever on and on...

[Zues126]

Thanks V. Funny you say that, I hit a milestone last week in that my IC basically ended our therapy. I've seen him for just over 4 years now, sometimes every 6-8 weeks, othertimes every 2 weeks when things were at their worst. He talked about when you know therapy was over. How it's not that I don't have problems, but that I'm working through them well on my own. That I'm not feeling better after sessions and then gradually worse, and trying to 'make it to the next session'. That I have developed a pretty grounded way of navigating through my life. And that while talking with a therapist never hurts, and that he hopes I drop him a line sometime and that he's there if I ever him he's around...he thinks it's ok to wrap it up.

What I want the newbies to understand is this- I began therapy 2 years before BD. Our M was terrible for years before BD so I started therapy to try to work on myself. I was at the end of the rope, depressed, and ready to throw in the towel on life.

In other words, my problems didn't start with BD. My problems started because I was looking for more from my M than it was built to provide, and I thought that was the source of my unhappiness. BD was just the natural progression of a horrible marriage. While I wasn't able to save the M, I was able to extract myself from the depths of the hell I was in.

I have regrets that the M couldn't be salvaged in the process. No personal growth, no future relationship, nothing can replace what is lost in a M. For that reason I encourage all of you to stand by your M. For while my M is lost, I am profoundly grateful I walked the road I did. First is obviously because as I've said, I've never done better in my own life than I have lately. But just as importantly, I have a clean conscience about the death of my M. I never am plagued with doubts about what could've happened if I had stood by my M another year, or had addressed the problems that contributed to the breakdown of my M, etc.

Other than that not much to report. Lots of good family, work, and pool stuff. Got the kids into another chess tournament, they had a ton of fun. Visited with my mom who was in town. Oh, and D8 is now D9 on 3/9, so I had a very memorable present...my mom suggested it and contributed this for her part of the present...we rented her a limo, and dressed up with me in a suit and her in a nice dress, then we had the limo take us for a tour through minneapolis, then to the mall of america for a little shopping, some rides, and a dinner at the rainforest cafe. It was a very special daddy-daughter date. And I gave her a necklace for her birthday. It was cool, I've never been in a limo before, and it was just the right touch to make it an experience she'll never forget. Then we took her brother and sister around the block so they didn't feel entirely left out.

Anyway, I could report more, but the point is that everything is good on my end. I appreciate all of you for helping me through my darkest hour, and am praying for all of you still fighting through each day. Be strong and live in a way you'll be proud of looking back. That's the best choice.