Tonight, this all feels surreal and silly. I look around in the home I created and wonder how I can leave it. The majority has been built from my ideas and plans - there are unique features I created that the builders had never done before. It was H's house before I moved in, but nobody would be able to recognize it if they hadn't been here since then. I put a lot of myself into this house, at the peak of my life. I feel broken and drained and old, can't imagine doing a fraction of all the stuff I used to ever again.
I'm questioning my decision to move out. I know H feels we both need space, and he seems to have just as much doubt about our future together as I have. My doubts are mostly due to his doubts, though. He keeps saying, if I just would stop picking on him (which is his word for 'disagreeing').
It has been difficult to handle that since we started talking about me moving out, he started showing the affection that I was missing so badly. He said 'the pressure was off'. And he said he hasn't stopped trying.
I am thoroughly confused, but hope I will feel better and stronger tomorrow. Nothing has actually changed, I'm just experiencing a moment of weakness.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
