[broke]

Ok, so much for the positive attitude. I am just so tired.

Had a parent/teacher conference with S12 and H. For 30 minutes, I had to be with H. I acted "as if" and had light conversation with H. Conference went ok. I think my Db'ing went pretty well.

Then, I get a call from H on the way home - he is offering me tickets to a baseball game for S12 and a group of friends for S12's bday which is same weekend as Mother's Day. That is my weekend. So, as he is talking, he slips in that he would like to be invited. I was pretty noncommittal but said I would think about it. I would love everyone's thoughts on this…..my initial thought is no, you shouldn't come because we aren't a family and I shouldn't take the tickets because they are from H.

Today was hard….H and I haven't been together for more than a couple minutes in months. Spending 30 minutes trying to be light and breezy and acting "as if" is really hard. And, it just seems like he is so oblivious to the fact that he destroyed our marriage and family. I think he is just happy that I am interacting with him civilly. That I have "let him off the hook" for the affair. He seems more than content with the way things are right now. He even let me know that he was picking out the finishes for his new house today and he's planning how we divide up Spring Breaks for the kids. While I am trying very hard to take the high road for my kids and my marriage, he's okay moving into a new house and spending vacations separately. And, it breaks my heart to divide the time with the kids. I just want to be a family again…. ugh

Well, in order not to get too sad, I am going to GAL tonight by going to divorce care and make the conscious decision not to let the roller coaster dip too far down. Going to keep DB'ing for me. I am pretty sure there is not other course for me to take at this point.