Where do we go from here Part 2

[Vanilla]

Firstly Tim there is absolutely nothing wrong with you emotionally. Zilch, nada, zip and the very fact that you say this makes it doubly so.

I come from a nation of stiff upper lippers. It is part of our culture here, I guarantee that we are a warm nation.

Some of this way of interacting in your FOO family is most likely to be cultural and some of it is obviously family patterning. Public displays aren't every mans thing. What that means is there is a lot of intent in the small amounts of private affection shown. It takes a lot of strength to detach and help an injured hand in this way, to watch the pain off someone you love and let them bear it and grow from it. For these generations of men that was what was expected. From father to son to grandson. Traditional even.

Grief and pain are private and just because it isn't expressed one can't assume there are lack of feelings.

Some nations gush others contain. In some families being there and doing that which is needed is enough. Showing strength is how love is shown, discipline is seen as love.

Times are different and we expect to express love and feelings. In some ways this DB process is about learning our needs first and foremost so that we can express our feelings (different from our thoughts). I think that for you that means you are a later starter than most in this area.

It is a logical thinking error to believe that because feelings aren't expressed that they aren't felt.

As I see it there is no lack of compassion and empathy in TimR for others although there does appear to be a struggle to allow that to himself.

My first thought Tim is that I recommend that you reach deep inside of yourself and express the love that you adult TimR have from Little Tim who wanted expressions of love from his father. Tell that wonderful little boy that you care for him and that he grew up to be a loving and caring father himself. A man who can give the love and express it to a vulnerable boy in his care. The man who is working to become who he wants to be rather than the one that his nurture modelled him to be.

So my compassion and empathy suggestion for Tim is this, let go of these thoughts, forgive yourself for any and all lapses. If you need to atone to any male in your past to whom care was not shown do so. Please note Tim that I said not shown and I did not say not felt! The lack here if there is any seems to be in the expression rather than the feelings. In this you include yourself on any list for growth and love, you atone to you with compassion and care. Great release will come, the expression you have given is shame, shame for who you believe you are. In expressing as you have that shows enormous vulnerability. This of itself releases these feelings, sharing always does this.

In the next few days, I guarantee that the marinade will release the block and give you peace and detachment. It happens here regularly and I sense that in your heart this will be.

Breathe dear one.

I suggest you watch the film inside out, which is a phenomenal way of learning about feelings and identifying them.

My other big suggestion is to write a letter to your dad and grandad about your feelings of them and your sadness and disappointment about the lack of connection you felt. You can post here if you want or on Vs Foolish thread.

As always I will not be offended if you say no V.

I challenged Mahhty to write a love letter to himself, express happiness about himself. He struggled with it although his wonderful letter to himself was so wonderful.

TimR I believe we have truly hit a belief which is holding you back. Releasing this belief, atoning, learning about that vulnerable part of you will cause great shift. I really think so.

Please let me say this to you, I have now worked with truly severely emotionally damaged people in my Gamanon group and this is very different. I am not going to underplay your belief, it is a powerful one to hold on to. I merely challenge it and ask you is that in truth correct?

We are moving forward, this is true self expression and emotional work.

Hugs

V