I understand your disappointment at wanting to keep your family intact. I'm further down that line then you and it will arise in me sometimes but it becomes less and less.
I will tell you this. One day you will look at yourself and know you are a success story. It takes time......but it will come to pass.
I know it's hard to look past the divorce. You are a success in many ways.....being a father, mentor, roll model(for your son and others on this board). One day you will see things more clearly and as not one solely defined as "not staying married". I think you have a lot more to offer and you will see this as you travel your journey.
The gifts of this journey come to us in time and in keeping our eyes open as we live it.
My EXW if we had stayed married would have bogged me down as well as our kids. Unfortunately the ones that get stuck in this MLC tunnel just don't make role model type decisions. That took me a while to accept as well.
Mirage, What an excellent posting! Cali, what he said is the truth. You may not realize/feel like a success story right now, but in time, you will come to realize that you are. No matter whether you reconcile or divorce, you fought the battle and still came out a better man who has worked on himself and been a roll model for those reading your threads.
Please do not sell yourself short...you are definitely a success story in my books.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
he said “Good thoughts Dad” I asked “Like what” he replied “How you are the best dad ever, you play with me, coach my baseball, spend time with me, we watch movies together and wrestle, we always have fun just being crazy” … warmed my hear and almost broke a tear the little … fill in the blank.
Cali, this is the best thing I've read all week
HaWho - California is a "no fault divorce" state, whether a partner had an affair or not really doesn't figure into the divorce at all legally. If your friend got more money because her husband cheated, either she got it because he felt guilty and gave it to her, or because she was being repaid for marital funds that he spent on his OW.
Being also a community property state, things are relatively straightforward in California as I understand it. Child support is by formula, alimony typically half the number of years of the marriage. Alimony can be revisited at any time if earnings change. (For instance, if my ex was suddenly disabled and his income dropped by half, he could go back to the courts and get my alimony reduced or eliminated.)
Assets acquired during the course of the marriage are split 50:50, pensions are split using a formula that takes into account the length of the marriage and the value of the pension accrued during that time. Debts are usually also split 50:50.
Cali, your son said it all! How can you say you are not a success story after that!? Ditto to all the above, they said it well. I just want to add, it's easy for us to see, from the sidelines, how much you have changed and grown for the better. It takes longer to see it from the inside. I can't wait until you see and feel that I am really happy to hear you feel at peace.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Cali, I know what you mean. To me anything short of a new marriage with the improved old spouse is failure. Yeah the personal growth is great, I appreciate all the hard work but really, did it save my marriage? I struggle with "the joy is in the journey" perspective.
That said, your boy is giving you a great yardstick to measure yourself by, isn't he? At the end of the day, despite this not being what you signed up for you really are showing your son what it means to be a good and strong man.
I have to believe that for both our sakes Mirage and Job are correct, and we will come to the same realization down the road.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Don't measure your success on her actions. Measure it on your building a life for you and your son.
I have been doing a lot of thinking lately as I have been watching your situation and living my own. I think we are both dealing with very similar spouses who are very ill. They both cut and run when it gets to hard of a struggle for them. Their struggle is within themselves and we cannot fix it. They both run to find that happiness that they will never find. You are doing the right thing now to get out of the situation and focus on you and your son. Its a hard lesson to learn and follow at this point. All we can do now is pray for our spouses and give them unto god and his guidance.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
