It is like this, our relationships are like the support strings on our parachute, as we tumble to the earth some strings may snap. The more support strings you have the safer your descent to earth.
So by having a wide range of support strings we are less likely to feel abandoned in our world. The fear of abandonment is less, this is a safety feature in life. We have an extra reserve parachute.
To jump with a parachute with few strings is to feel abandoned. In this way when you jump in tandem and your tandem partner cuts the connection you are safe to fall to earth.
It is up to you to pack your own parachute and count the strings.
If the plane stalls you can jump to safety.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
^^^^^^ V has to eloquantly said what I was trying to communicate. This analogy is perfect. When you are ready to leap Mu you have people who would love to love and support you.
Thank you Roiste, Vanilla and Jelly. Your counsel is appreciated. I was drifting in the opposite direction. I was intending to isolate myself as a way to guard against future pain. Upon reflection that path concedes my marriage to the ash bin of history. Thank you my three dear friends for sticking with me while I foment my woes. I will have to rethink the direction I am traveling, in regards to my marriage and my own mental health.
I came to a greater understanding of my behavior during the turbulent years of my marriage in IC yesterday. I've run out of time so I will delve into it on my next post. It does fit as a piece of the puzzle and explains my behavior. Peace
I struggle with the CBT schema of subjugation. I would subjugate my needs until anger built up enough and I had an outburst. This occurred when the children didn't listen to my wishes. Since I also struggle with being assertive I became frustrated when I was ignored. This is the root of what turned my wife off all those years. There were other things but this behavior was the primary reason.
So in a nut shell, I suffer from CBT abandonment schema, CBT subjugation schema and I struggle with not being assertive. At least now I know what to work on. I am not crippled by these schema's but I need to improve myself in these areas.
Thanks Zephyr, I appreciate that. I will work with IC next week on techniques to modify this behavior. I'll post what she recommends. I don't have a lot to say right now so, enjoy your day
Those issues sound similar to the traits you are working towards. There are basically three steps to this. 1. Recognize the problem. 2. Decide to do something about it 3. DO it.
You are two thirds of the way there. Keep going.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
I struggle with the CBT schema of subjugation. I would subjugate my needs until anger built up enough and I had an outburst. This occurred when the children didn't listen to my wishes. Since I also struggle with being assertive I became frustrated when I was ignored. This is the root of what turned my wife off all those years. There were other things but this behavior was the primary reason.
So in a nut shell, I suffer from CBT abandonment schema, CBT subjugation schema and I struggle with not being assertive. At least now I know what to work on. I am not crippled by these schema's but I need to improve myself in these areas.
Now you see me warts and all
Assertiveness Mu is a lot of technique, learn that and it becomes habit. That's one of my biggies too.
The other two in my view are more deep rooted and I think you are aware of the origins.
If I have any help you would like please let me know
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Thank you V and roiste, your support means a lot to me. I really don't have a lot to say because my situation is unchanged. I will try to stay positive and supportive. Hopefully that will allow her to create a opening in the wall she has put between us. Be well
