My first post - please be nice.

[Sparkls]

Deep breaths. You *will* get through this.
And we're here, post as much or as little as you need to.
I'm having a bit of a self pity moment too. (reading through stories where the husband gets found out in his affair and immediately starts apologizing and trying to come home. Mine did the exact opposite. Why am I so much easier to leave than the other women? etc) We all have them. Take it one moment at a time.
As much as you want to, talking to her won't help. I speak from experience. It'll just hurt more, cause she won't hear a word you say.

And nothing about this says ANYTHING about you as "a man>"
This isn't something you can just "man up" to. This is pure grief. And the only way to get through it is to get through it.