Back on these forums again 7

[Mona52]

jerkface texted me yesterday asking if I could buy him 2 packs of ciggs. I was on my way to spend the evening at the dance with Chris, so it was weird.

I said yes,and dropped them off at his job. I expected him to open the car door, take the ciggs and thank me and I could leave. Nope... He made the mistake of asking me how the kids were.

As I pulled into my H's job my mind was on my upcoming evening, how bad traffic was, how was my D getting home from work, will my S get to bed on time and a billion other things that had nothing to do with H. So when he started up a conversation with me, i was a little startled and very annoyed. I was in a hurry so I would not be late.

Then I heard his words "How are they?"

OMG, without warning I saw red. Was he really asking me how his kids were? the kids he never takes a second out of his busy day to even text? the kids he never ever sees? The kids I have to DO EVERYTHING for, every single day?

I got very angry, but I am a pro and did not let anything show. I just smiled and said they were great. It was raining a tiny bit so I said he should get inside before he gets sick. It was a nice way for me to tell him to close the car door and go. And he did.

My anger dissolved as I drove away.
He texted me a few minutes after I left:
H: Ty you saved my life
Me: Buying cigarettes is actually killing you
H: Ok you saved my crew's lives lol
(He works on a press and I guess he was being irate with his crew to the point of killing them because of nicotine withdraw)
Me: Lol

When I got to Chris, he had a bouquet of daisies for me and it made me feel unbelievably nice.
I had a great time with Chris at the dance. I hardly danced at all, which is weird for me. I was actually a little disappointed every time he asked me to dance (he only asked for the slow songs) because I was having such a good time just talking to him at the table in the corner.

I made it as official as possible today by posting 3 pictures of him and me on my FB page. I blocked jerkface from my FB page months ago, but the rest of my friends and family will see it.

I sometimes feel guilt, like I should be sitting at home waiting for my H. But I cant imagine I really have to spend the rest of my life with a man who has humiliated me for 20 years with lots of OW. I dont know how to describe how it feels to have a boyfriend who i am pretty sure has no OW. Just me. I am good enough just the way I am. I dont even need to follow 37 rules (but I fully admit I DB Chris every day).

I wish so much that my M would have lasted. I will never get to the point where I no longer wish for that. But I did not realize how unhappy I have been for so many years now that i wake up happy, spend the day pretty happy and fall asleep happy almost every night.

The door on my m is barely ajar anymore. I will not leave Chris for my M. The only chance my M has now of any life is if my R with Chris dies a natural death. And most R do die a natural death.

I am banking on one of 2 outcomes. 1. Chris and I live happily ever after. or 2. Chris and I have fun and part on good terms at the end of a normal R, and by that time jerkface does his own major 180's.

But to be honest, God has a wicked sense of humor and I really have no idea what She has in store for me next