Stepping in a Different Direction

[Pax_luv]

Happy Monday! Hope those of you who deal with the time change are feeling awake! For some reason, it kicks my arse

I just need to journal (aka vent) for a second.

Today is h's bday. He always hated his bday, it was always a disappointment for him growing up, etc. I worked really hard through the years to make it special but it was so hard because it didn't matter what i did as it wouldn't live up to expectations. It eventually got to the point where i would just leave it up to him to tell me what he wanted to do/ eat/ etc. I still tried, but it was soooo hard to please him. i always felt bad about him not having "good" bdays growing up, and now i am learning how much these childhood issues get carried into adulthood. Geesh.

Anyway, I had to snoop on his fb just to see who was connecting with him today. The first post was from his sister complimenting him on how he gives himself fully and deserves love and happiness ....... Uch. I know it's not about me, but really??? He had love... He was the one that through it away! That just kills me.

Another post was from his aunt who he "dropped" a few years back and they recently reconnected. She was the one person who told h to be careful as he was exiting the relationship because they have a tendency to throw people away. Well her post was also lovy and as$- kissing. Thanking him for always reaching out

I don't know why, but those two posts just irritate me! I don't think my in laws know how hard I fought... I think they believe I'm the one who exited the M. Not true. Also, with the aunt. I'm just bitter that he reconnected with her and I'm not an option.

Ok venting over. I sent him a text this morning as I was on my way to drop off the dog. I also wished him a happy birthday in that text. He replied back with thanks and a blushing happy face.

I think when this day passes, I will be back on an even keel. Thanks for reading