Getting out of in house S (8)

[vise82]

Hey,

Having a tough day,

After posting that I have been angry that W is calling me. am getting down about it. She hasn't texted or messaged me yet today and It bothering me like at least I know she is thinking about me when she messages me. Even it has nothing to do with how I am.

Also I need to try to contact my L about signing the S paper and that is pulling me down. I wish I didn't have to that we could just go back to being together. Last night it was just the two of us, and because of DBing I couldn't go to her and watch TV with her or other stuff a couple would do. It just seems like such a waste. All of this effort to stay apart on her end, think what could be done if that effort was put to saving the MR?

I know I need to get out of this hole I am falling into right now. I need to get a hold of my L to get this going. W was telling me the S agreement has a to sign by date of 30 days and if not signed she will take me to court.

My gal was OK at soccer last night but I am paranoid that the players don't want me to join for the summer. I think my people skill are that bad. I was finding it frustrating that no one was talking to me. I was questioning my soccer skills. This was the first time I have played soccer on a team ever. It just those connection with people it seemed I have failed to make. Same with my MR, W had issues with me going to things because I was so quiet. And too reserved. And this issue came up in my promotion interview, technically I am above all but socially I was not where they wanted me.

I was told A long time ago either you change or you just let people accept you for who you are. But when people are not accepting me for who I am and I don't know how to change who I am , what then??

This just does not feel normal to me. I feel lost. It doesn't help that my normal facial expression is no expression. I can smile inside but I look like I have no expression on the outside, almost look emotionless.

Just another low day for me again.