Love you, Tx. Thanks for the great advice and encouragement.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Hey NY, hope all is going well and you have been too busy to stop in and update. Wanted to make sure your doing good, still getting out and looking great, hope to hear from you soon
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Quick update: basically NC for 2 weeks. Had a dream last night that we were hiking, a long hike. We took a wrong turn and instead of the idyllic destination we ended up at a garish, Coney Island type fried everything stand where the counter staff had to wear ugly striped hats and looked miserable. We had to turn back and start over. Hmmmm. Then I dreamed that W told me she can't leave ow because ow left her boyfriend of 13 years or whatever to be w W, and texted her, " I left him to be w you, babe, so you have to leave NyGal. "
Then this NYGal who hasn't remembered a dream in years had a third one last night. In it, W said she had sent a bunch of love letters to ow, but she sent them to the wrong address. Isn't that interesting?
Then this morning out of the blue I got a text from W. "I am so sorry"
I was off on a hike with a woman... First date since we 'separated'. So 5 hours later I texted back... Just got back from a long hike. Want to talk? ( I know, horrible DBing) she texted a while later "Want to have coffee this week?"
Advice please????
I'm off to my divorce seminar "graduation" so I will be offline for a while tonight. Great GAL, no?
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I say go to coffee - let her do the talking, you act light and breezy. Don't force any relationship or marriage talk. I hope some vets weigh in, but that is just my opinion. But have no expectations and don't try to mind read. She may just miss you. I hope detaching is working for you though. Great job GALing today!
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
I think it just depends how "hard line" you want to play it. Do you want her to come back to you or do you want her to come back fighting for you. If the first, go to coffee and do as broke says. If the second, ask her if she's still with OW. If she is, you can say "I'd rather not have coffee with you until you are no longer with OW."
I, of course, am not the best person to ask since if my H asked me to go to coffee, I don't think anyone could talk me out of it. But whatever you do, don't expect anything! I'm a big fan of hoping for the best but preparing for the worst. Easier said than done.
M:26 H:32 T:8yrs ILYBNILWY/ "I'm not happy": 2/6/16 D-Day-discovered PA/EA: 2/10/16 Separated: 2/14/16 He's living with OW I moved to different state: 06/16 Currently: Trying to move forward
Go have the coffee, dress to kill, keep her at arm's length. It's SHE that wants to see you, not the other way around. You're doing great (even if you aren't you HAVE to project that). She obviously is not doing great or she wouldn't contact you. If you move too quickly back toward her then she'll do the same thing she did last time. She has to see that you're moving on and feeling great.
I would think it's all about how much self-control you can display. So far, it seems you have had a hard time stopping yourself from pushing her whenever you're in touch. You know that it works against you - will you be able to not push her or suggest anything? Can you let her take the lead completely and not take it one step further? That could be your challenge and possibly your biggest 180.
Maybe it will help if you really can internalize that *this will not be your last chance to talk to her*. And take note here: You went NC for two weeks and IT WORKED!
If your conversation goes well, I don't think it would hurt to tell her about your dreams, if you can do it in a light-ish way. They are very interesting. And they definitely leave the door open for her.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
I think the trick for you, NY, is to go into this with absolutely ZERO expectations.
W might just need a quick hit of NY, so she can resume things with OM.
If you can pull off appearing detached and like you are moving on, that will be your best bet IMO.
Be light and breezy and have a twinkle in your eye like something really cool is happening in your life that you are excited about.
Oh... and read Sandi's 37 rules about 50x before meeting W.
If things start to get a little dicey, be the first one to end the meeting. In fact, be the first one to end the meeting no matter what. Remember, you're busy and have so much going on that you can't stay for too long.
I would definitely not recommend talking for hours, W will go back down the bunny hole, I can almost guarantee it. Leave on a high note when the convo is going well, that will leave her wanting more.
