Let me preface this by saying the window fixing was more for me to show off that it was for her. When she left I was 194 now I am 166. My arms and chest are doing pretty good for me and my stomach is flattening out to the point S said I am getting a 4 pack but not 6 pack yet. So I wanted her to see what she was missing.
I would have to say that the vets would not smile down upon, for fixing her window. I also have to say that I would run to her to fix stuff if she needed it, but what is the problem of doing something nice every once in a while. If your son requires the internet and it is something easy for you to do, I don't see the problem with it. Just don't become her handyman. No one on here, IMO has all the answers and even if they do that is just for their sitch. All our sitches are different and when you read the one reconciliation story the guy said when his wife left he was bound and determined he was going to be her best friend.
I am not trying to be best friends with WW, I will certainly not be her confidante, but I want to say in her mind so when she contacts me I am going to be the most out going me, I can be. If she needs something while I am out, I will pick it up, or if I am going up there anyway I will help with fixing a window. BTW it took less than 10 minutes.
So in summary, I can't say it was a message board technique or win but my motivations were good and if that keeps me in her mind especially when OM is around its ok with me.
Me 41 W 33 M 2013 Suspect A 11/15 Confirm A 1/16 She moved out 2/14/16 Stepson 13 Stepson 16
Personally I believe something like fixing a window or helping can be good and bad. Like you said TimR. Don't become a handyman, a helping hand once in awhile isn't bad either. Like me with car issues. I happy to offer advice or repair if asked. At which time I will consider it and answer yes or no.
Don't feel like you have to say yes when they ask. Don't put off your life to make room for their needs. and don't expect a thank you or anything to come from it. Or say something like good thing you have me to fix x.
I am glad you were able to help out TimR and be the new you around her. Whether she noticed or not you feel good about you and that is what is important here.
Keep it up buddy
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Yeah definitely will not be her handyman. An example of that is I noticed she had her Edenpure heater set on high running in her back room. I know she probably just leaves it on running. I also know its gonna be tight for her financially. I did not tell her we she did that at our house our electric bill went up $200 that month. I just commented wow you keep this room warm. She never had to pay house bills with me and does not know how stuff like turning the lights off or shutting windows is a necessity to keep the bills from sky rocketing. If I told her that would be me trying to control her, she will just have to figure it out herself.
Me 41 W 33 M 2013 Suspect A 11/15 Confirm A 1/16 She moved out 2/14/16 Stepson 13 Stepson 16
It's really hard to figure out when to cut off "helping", or even giving it a definition sometimes. Like CWOL asks - fix the internet not for W, but for S. Yeah, that's sticky. Me? I'd do it for the S. He might understand that his Mom is to blame for not being able to study, but at the end of the day he still can't study - and he's the one being hurt.
In Tim's case - he did the window to show off. Could he have done that without fixing the window? Possibly - but opportunity presented itself - and the additional opportunity was a small reminder as to other advantages of a H.
The heater? Well, I hope you don't wind up having to pay that bill in the end! It's amazing that some people can't figure out that a 1500W appliance running 24 hours a day will significantly increase the energy bill. I'm not sure if that even qualifies as a handyman thing so much as falling under education. And who knows, Tim might still have to tell her the cause when she asks him why she has a $500 utility bill.
I too was guilty of "handymaning" when I went over to the house was "granted entry" to my house to use the scanner. The W had mentioned something about me taking away the internet, and she was still paying for it. Besides the double snotty accusation and non-existent benefit to me by her having wifi I had every reason to ignore her and do nothing.
But it was so pathetic - the router has always had occasional hiccups, especially if she travels and her laptop is still trying to connect to the hotel wifi. Or, she forgets to turn off her G4 modem utility. So, I push a big button that's meant specifically to reboot and rescan for devices. The button is right on top! I pushed it, and left a note saying "if you have problems, push this. if that doesn't fix it, unplug the router and modem for a minute".
I guess when she changed into the other person and forgot all the good times, she also forgot that this happened before too!
In the end - I wish I hadn't done it at all. It's not going to help me a bit - and who knows what excuse she might make in her head anyway. She might still think I "took the internet away" and brought it back and expect some sort of reward.
I guess in the end do as little as needed, nothing if possible. But never to the detriment of the kids.
Me: 58 Her: 59 Kids: 0 Dog: 1 ILYBINILWY: 9/15 D Bomb: 1/11/16 (found out filed) Verified OM: 1/11/16 Moved out: 1/11/16 (thought it was temporary)
It's kind of amazing to me that your WW's think that they can ask for help. My H left me and I try to ask for as little help from him as possible. And I only ask if it has to do with the kids. I haven't asked for his help outside of getting help with kids in 8 months. And he's the one who filed, not me. The wives who left seem pretty bold to ask in my opinion. That being said, I agree with 1313, do as little as possible unless it affects the kids. Then, do it without question.
Tim - good for you on the GALing!
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
Broke yes from my experience WW can be very bold. I would not ask for any help, but for some reason WW has no problem in asking for anything or demand anything. I think that goes with their self centered nature at this time, "why wouldn't he do that because I WANT it he should."
Don't worry though I will not be the handyman and honestly she has not asked for that much. That was a first in awhile. And I will specify I DID that for me more that for her.
So my weekend was good!!! The texts were civil and friendly, the telephone conversations were the same, I got to spend time with S13. I jogged 4.5 miles, went to a friends birthday party, did some retail therapy (got some running/biking shorts), rode my bike for almost 7 miles today (it started raining on me so I had to cut is short I wanted to do about 12), went to church and then divorce care. The BIGGEST thing about this weekend was there were very few bouts of sadness or anger! I have did feel ambivalent most of the time but I had a bit of happiness and some satisfaction.
What worries me is my rollercoaster hitting a peak? Am I about to plummet? Who knows, I just need to be grateful for this weekend and deal with the depression when it comes.
Me 41 W 33 M 2013 Suspect A 11/15 Confirm A 1/16 She moved out 2/14/16 Stepson 13 Stepson 16
Sounds like a great weekend, Tim. I hope your roller coaster just continues to go up or stay at an even level! I agree - enjoy that you had a good weekend and keep doing what you are doing. Don't fear the plummet because that would be fortune telling (and it is as bad as mind reading :-).
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
LOL yeah these last two are going to be he11. That is where all my fat is at! Gonna take a lot of cardio to get those last two but heck what else to I have to do other than work out! So with a good diet and plenty of exercise I will get there eventually.
Me 41 W 33 M 2013 Suspect A 11/15 Confirm A 1/16 She moved out 2/14/16 Stepson 13 Stepson 16
