[broke]

Detachment is a state. I am currently faking it, because I am heart broken and depressed. However, the need to know how my kids are doing or some logistical fact overrides my need to pretend detachment... Just keep the conversation polite and all business.

Couldn't agree more, JujuB. I am faking it, too. I just wish I didn't have to feel like a nag for reminding him about stuff regarding the kids. But, you are right - needs to be polite and businesslike.

I planned on sending a text. However, H just dropped off S15 from their weekend golf trip. H actually came in with S15 because he needed help bringing all his stuff into the house. H came in, dropped off the stuff and then I told him we needed to split up to take our kids to different activities tomorrow after school and that we needed to sign the contract for S12 to attend his school next year. Kept it businesslike and polite. We chatted about how to accomplish the two things and he left. It was completely fine.

So, why do I feel so empty? It just stinks that my H can just walk out on 25 years and a family. We interacted absolutely fine tonight, but there is just no feelings from him. I can't see any emotion - it just feels so cold. How can the man who supposedly loved me for 25 years be so indifferent and nonchalant? I just don't get it…..it feels like he is DB'ing me. That just means he is detached and not faking it….and that just makes me sad. I feel like I am hanging on for nothing.

How do I stop faking being detached and just detach already? Drop the rope for real? I am just tired. Tired of detaching, validating, setting boundaries, watching what I communicate, how I communicate, how I look, my GAL activities, my 180 goals, being the best mom I can be when I am heartbroken etc. I am just tired of hanging on to hope tonight. Sorry just frustrated. I will reread the DR book, but I just don't see any real progress for the DBing the last 5 weeks.