I do not think that contacting spouses regarding kids or logistical stuff means you are not detaching. It's only when you are using that stuff to make contact with walk away spouse which you are clearly not.
WS has no problem contact us when they need something and they are clearly detached right?
Detachment is a state. I am currently faking it, because I am heart broken and depressed. However, the need to know how my kids are doing or some logistical fact overrides my need to pretend detachment... Just keep the conversation polite and all business.
