NYGal still trying

[Sparkls]

I think it just depends how "hard line" you want to play it.
Do you want her to come back to you or do you want her to come back fighting for you.
If the first, go to coffee and do as broke says.
If the second, ask her if she's still with OW. If she is, you can say "I'd rather not have coffee with you until you are no longer with OW."

I, of course, am not the best person to ask since if my H asked me to go to coffee, I don't think anyone could talk me out of it. But whatever you do, don't expect anything! I'm a big fan of hoping for the best but preparing for the worst. Easier said than done.