I Still Think It's Too Late (pt 2)

[Painter]

I'm sorry I wasn't wrong... I had a feeling it was a selfishly driven act.

I have a couple of questions - you said you 'filed the standard paperwork' - does that mean you're the one who filed for D?

What was her identity theft?

[Painter]

Sit on the files until Tuesday.


V

I agree with this - why ask how high when she says jump?

Women do not like men who act submissive. Sorry.

[broke]

1313 - I am sorry that you are going through all of this. It is so cruel to think you are at a high to come crashing down. I agree with everyone else, take the time to continue to DB and work on yourself. Remember she is not herself and she is in her fog and not thinking clearly. Make this time beneficial to you and continue to take the high road.

And, to have to address your dating anniversary during all of this has got to be difficult. Try to plan GAL activities as much as you can today. Get distracted and post here if you need a boost. Just remember to not contact W.

Thinking of you.

[1313]

Hi everyone, I'm overwhelmed with the good thoughts and recommendations. Thank you so much.

Painter:
Just to clarify - the W filed for D.

The "identity theft" was the W pretending she was me on my domain and web hosting provider, transferring 3 domains to herself. I had offered her these domains 10 days previously, twice. She never answered me - I guess because stealing them was a better course of action?

To transfer these domains she had to read my emails, use one of the links they provided when I reset my password (possibly a reason they kept asking me to reset a password for them) and then she stole my user ID and PIN, and reset my password locking me out. Clever girl. They now have their domains and email. She told me she thought I'd be happy about this. I would have been happy to just turn it over to them - not have it stolen and be locked out of my account.

As far as what's going on now:

Even both lawyers thought that her asking to stop the D meant reconciliation and as mentioned - maybe it did for a moment. Who knows.

Our first court date was scheduled for Tuesday.

I have 2 ways to go. I can tell my L to tell the W's L to perform, as that's our right now that she's filed. I'd half like to do that as it would be a blow to the gut for the W and ruin her little vacation she's got planned next week with the OM.

I could also tell my L to tell the W's L to go ahead and put things on hold (I'm really not sure how this can be done) and not say anything at all to the W as far as her other wishes regarding a mediator. I guess the L can tell me how any of this would work - but I still want our side to finish up and be prepared for another sneak attack.

At some point I'll need to contact the W with an answer. My DB coach might have some clues on how to go about this whole thing - it's so weird.

It really is impossible to guess what's going on in the W's head, but I think maybe just for a moment she had second thoughts. Getting her OM fix snapped her out of it.

Oh well - it's going to be a rough day. I'm off to take my Mom to Church. I'll see the IL's there, and have to decide if I show them this message. I've really not talked to them proper for weeks. I guess I'll just play it by ear.

[CWOL]

I have 2 ways to go. I can tell my L to tell the W's L to perform, as that's our right now that she's filed. I'd half like to do that as it would be a blow to the gut for the W and ruin her little vacation she's got planned next week with the OM.

I could also tell my L to tell the W's L to go ahead and put things on hold (I'm really not sure how this can be done) and not say anything at all to the W as far as her other wishes regarding a mediator. I guess the L can tell me how any of this would work - but I still want our side to finish up and be prepared for another sneak attack.

You are reading too much into what she is doing/thinking. What does your L advise you to do? If she is really canceling the divorce, she needs to initiate it as she is the Petitioner.
Your L should recommend to proceed to defend you against the D unless she files for dismissal. You shouldn't be negotiating with your WW on this, your L should be talking to her L.

[1313]

[You are reading too much into what she is doing/thinking. What does your L advise you to do? If she is really canceling the divorce, she needs to initiate it as she is the Petitioner.
Your L should recommend to proceed to defend you against the D unless she files for dismissal. You shouldn't be negotiating with your WW on this, your L should be talking to her L.

Hi CWOL, actually - these are the 2 options as I see it. Friday, when I got the call from my L, she was conveying what the W's L had heard from the W "I'm not moving forward with the divorce".

My L and the W's L were wondering what she meant by that - and the W cut the conversation short which is even stranger. Both L's got from that "reconciliation", although my L also thought it could mean something else as I mention somewhere earlier in this thread. My L asked me to reach out to the W to see what she meant – and after checking in here the consensus was as I felt – do nothing. So I didn’t.

I hadn't seen the text my W sent me early that morning until late Friday "I told my attorney to stop the divorce", which again meant to me "stop the divorce". So at that point, I decided I should find out what it was she was talking about. I figured 2 messages that were the same required some sort of acknowledgement. So I texted back “what do you mean by this?”.

It wasn't until mid-Saturday the W answered my question that she didn't mean stop the divorce at all. She wanted a mediator, and had a bunch of reasons why, including the L’s were prolonging things for their own purposes, “we” had gotten mean and backed into corners (we?!?) etc. We’re better than this she claimed.

Now, there's 3 of us who felt that stop the divorce or not moving forward with the divorce means exactly what it says. 2 of them attorneys. She had plenty of time to send me or tell her L something more coherent. Something like “I want to try using a mediator instead”. Just a few more words, and pretty easy to interpret.

I'm also feeling (although this is mind reading again) since she was out of town with an old friend who I had hoped might talk some sense (and a little God) into her - that could have happened. However, I also know she was gone Friday night, probably with the OM. This would also explain why it was nearly 20 hours later she sent me her "clarified" message. An evening with the OM brought her back to the dark side?

CWOL, what you're saying makes sense - it sounds like you know a heck of a lot more about this process than I do. That's why I was thinking let her drive the bus. But if she does something - doesn't she have to do it by Monday? I mean, if the court date is Tuesday, that's not much time at all.

My L did say that even if she files to stop, we can insist it moves forward. In the end, it gets to the 2 possible answers. 1) Go ahead with the D as scheduled even if she wants to stop the D, I have the right to continue, or 2) Let her file to delay or cancel or whatever it is that she needs to do, and accept that as it will buy me time.

If I don’t answer the WW, then I just need to tell my L to proceed as normal unless we hear otherwise? I don’t know – and I guess that can only be answered with a phone call on Monday. I just need to let the L know I’m good either way I suppose, but not to insist that we force the D if the W wants to do something different. At least for the moment.

[trumpet]

1313,

I don't know if this is what the vets would say, but if she's giving kibbles of doubt - that isn't enough to stop the steamroller she started. Having pangs of doubt didn't stop my wife from stopping and starting the D, but never got help to stop the affair, so that's what ultimately kept out D going.

If your W's OM is convincing, but not perfect (none of us are), she might have seen something that makes her doubt, so she realizes she needs backup plan B - you.

Honestly, I think you keep moving forward with things. Tuesday would really put a huge dose of reality into her.

I sent my W an email with all our agreed upon stipulations for the D last night - I have got nothing back. I have realized that moving my ship onto it's new course is the only way to protect myself. DB'ing really means for me that I'm starting over, and if WW wants me, she knows where to find me. Stronger trumpet = happier trumpet.

I'm ok without her. Have you gotten to the point where you'd truly be ok without Mrs. 1313?

[1313]

I'm ok without her. Have you gotten to the point where you'd truly be ok without Mrs. 1313?

trumpet, I don't know. I truly don't. I love her with all my heart and soul. I think on one hand I can do it, and then I collapse.

Tonight she texted, then emailed me. Stupid things she can figure out. What were the disks and SD card I left? The scans of her artwork she asked for - and that I said I would take some DVD's for - of course.

Then, she wanted to know the password for the router. Fair enough. Why does her device not remember it?

Is this some sort of excuse to reach out? I'm too heartbroken to answer. Our 35th anniversary, tonight.

Last night, I was reading 1 Samuel, and made it to chapter 16 when I fell asleep. Today, a new pastor for the Church - what is the sermon? Insurmountable odds and 1 Samuel Chapter 16 on. Talking about that "gap" where you need to be ready to perform. When you feel as if you're in limbo. If that's not a message, I don't know what is. But I'm too daft to get the connection.

I can't stand this. But trumpet, you're right. I've felt more and more today that she started this - and I'd bet a nickel that I don't have to do a thing tomorrow. She will continue from where it left off. This was just a blip on the radar - a kibble as you put it.

I'm willing to bet anything that she's not willing to file a stop order - things will move ahead.

If she stopped to consider - and I think that's what happened - she realized she's not capable of doing what it will take to reconcile. She can't break off the A. She can't and won't give up the A.

This week is going to be a test - as she's getting a room with the OM before they go to the high school reunion retreat. They're all in a house together - and she doesn't want to give anything away. But I'm willing to bet this is the week that it comes out in the open. Her assistant is there (and knows and has been protecting her) and I just feel that she's been having momentary second thoughts. But those have passed.

You know what I want? My little dog. She's going away, and won't even have the courtesy of letting me take care of the dog. Yet she wants to have a mediator.

No, the insanity stops tomorrow. Either she p%^*s or gets off the pot. I have to move forward for my own sake and sanity.

I want to talk with a DB coach before I talk with my L, but the rope is burning my hands. I'm ready to drop it. My heart has been broken for the last time. I'm ready to come about and tack. I'm done with this course, and go my own way. Which way the W goes is up to her.

[Painter]

You know what I want? My little dog. She's going away, and won't even have the courtesy of letting me take care of the dog. Yet she wants to have a mediator.

Then go get your dog. It's your dog as well, she has no right to keep it from you. What would you have done if this was a child?

[TimR]

1313, I think it depends on the tone of her contact whether she is trying to reach out or not. It is weird that assistant was the middle person this whole time and now she is making direct contact. Maybe to soften you up to get what she wants maybe to just reach out. It is mind reading but hard not to analyze.

Sorry to hear its your 35th anniversary and you are going through this. I would not answer until tomorrow after you speak with your DB coach. Speaking of which I have to do a session to. I have been holding off cause there really is not much to report. But I should get one in. This will be my 6th and I do not know if I will have the money for another 3 for awhile.