So Much Time is Passing By Pt. II

[Sparkls]

As part of my personal goals to try and be more optimistic:

THink of it this way though. If you do sell or move or whatevs, when they do come back, you can create a new fresh home that doesn't have any of the tarnish from the past.
A fresh start in a fresh home that you build together.

[HopeRB]

Feeling very overwhelmed and missing my friend. It's the weekend so it's par for the course I suppose.

I can't even move as I need to save up for that. Just stressed with this, trying to find a new job and then a 2nd job, and having to figure out what do about the place. But I still love him. How does that even work? Lol

[HopeRB]

That's true Spark. My BIL actually said that to me back in November that either way, we need a fresh start. Thank you for reminding me of that positive spin.

I go from being positive and social to sad and quiet so I think this happens to be the latter right now.

[broke]

Hope - sparkles is absolutely right. That is definitely a much more positive way to look at it. You would definitely need a place for a fresh start.

I think your swinging from emotion to emotion is completely normal. I'm still doing that, too. Weekends are definitely the toughest.

I hope you are feeling better about the house situation.

[Sparkls]

I have the same swings. Today, went from having a great time with my friends to crying in the car on the drive home. That's grief. And there's nothing wrong with grief. It's what makes us human and as much as we'd love to just flip the switch and turn it off, it wouldn't help us grow.

I miss my best friend (H) too. The man I've talked to every day come hell or high water for the last 8 years. I just keep trying to remember that this is not my forever, as much as it feels like it is.

[HopeRB]

Journaling:
I hate tears. They think they can just come and go as they please. I wish they would just stop b/c they are so ugly. People must think I am crazy.

[Sparkls]

If people only knew. But it doesn't really matter what others think of us, does it? At the end of the day, who cares if the person in the car next to us thinks we're craycray.
But the other side is that I, personally, would never look at someone crying and think they were crazy. Maybe I'm weird. but to me, its just someone expressing pain. That's what we're going through: the most intense, awful pain I think I've ever felt. And no human can go what we're going through and not let out a few tears. More than a few. And think, don't you usually feel at least a little less pain after the tears stop?

[HopeRB]

Thanks for being there Spark. Yes I do feel a little better but then I never know when it's going to come again. Between waking up this morning, church and now, I've cried literally a thousand tears. And it hurts even more when I see ppl that know us and ask me how I'm doing and look at me, deep into my eyes and know I'm hurting but I don't say anything and just smile and talk about something else.

It's hard.

People look at me on the train and who knows what they think. And people stop me on the street and ask if I need help. Like this is crazy. I'm strong. I am. I hate feeling this way. But I know there's something happening here and I need to continue to be patient in my life and put one foot in front of the other.

I live in fun part of town and I always see young families and couples walking with their coffees and blah, blah down the street. We used to do that. I miss it and want it again with H.

[Sparkls]

And maybe one day you'll get it again. Either with H or with someone else. Until then, it's just trudging through the storm. I'm right there by your side. We all are.
This is not our forever. Its our just right now. Think of it this way: really, we've already had the worst happen, right? It can only go up from here.

[Thornton]

Those little triggers that remind us of WAS are killers.

Like you, a simple cup of coffee can trigger memories for me and send me spinning.

I think it just takes time to become desensitized to the triggers.