Now what?/ One Day at a Time

[melweb]

Man, did I sleep like crap last nite!! I even took an all natural OTC pill and then a simply sleep by Tylenol. I need to find something that works!!

Ok, so some things have dawned on me, especially after last nites R talk. He is just regurgitating the same lines from the first BD. ILYBNILWY, I will always love you, its been over for years, I need passion. Blah blah blah. Not reading anything into these statements as I have heard them all before, just now I have an A to deal with somehow. I know I am not in competition with her but it sure feels like it. I am going to do everything I did that worked before. Be a woman only a fool would leave!

Also, like before his actions don't match his words. For example, (and this might seem trivial to you guys) but during reconciliation he would leave my coffee cup, spoon and creamer, and sometimes a love note, on the counter in the morning. I had told him it was those kinds of little things that meant a lot and made me feel loved. Well, he did it this morning, minus the love note. Again, NOT reading anything into this, but its the kind of mixed message he keeps sending. And I mean, why?? Why do that at all?? Guilt? Ok, but why that particular thing that he knows what it means.

As far as the dang R talks he keeps persuing, I need something that will stop my roll. Any suggestions? I start of really good DBing, validating, listening, eye contact, engaged, then I say to myself 'I'm just gonna say this ONE thing' but clearly I cannot say just ONE thing!! Ugh. I am not getting angry or hostile, but trying to be logical/ reasonable with a very illogical, unreasonable man.

I know you guys are going to call me out on this, but in my heart, I feel like an S or D is not what he really wants. That he thinks he has the easy part done by telling me its over. But we have not told S15 yet, and he has not packed a bag and walked away from his family. That can't be easy.

I know this is his journey to take and I can't stop it, or slow it down, or make it go quicker. And even my IC said that he may have to leave in order to realize all that he is giving up and leaving.

Gee, now who is regurgitating? Sorry. I guess 3 hours of sleep makes one kind of loopy.