Yeah there's no proof of an OM, there's tons of circumstantial evidence though. I don't know what to think anymore. Could she just go and have sex with someone and then be absolutely normal in the morning? Look me in the eye, smile, kiss the kids...
Yes, unfortunately, they can absolutely have an affair and act normal the next minute with you. My H was having an affair for 6 months and was actually telling me that the M was in trouble because of everything I was doing. Not saying I was perfect, but I certainly didn't add to our problems by cheating and lying about it.
The real question is, though, would it make a difference if there was an OM? Would you still want to reconcile and try to fix your marriage? If so, there's probably no reason to go snooping and find out. Just keep DB'ing by detaching, GAL'ing and meeting your 180 goals.
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
In my experience yes. I had no idea about OM. Yes she was texting a lot but it was going on for months before I had any clue. Then when I did find out she acted so hurt that I believed her. Of course that was just a gnawing feeling and my heart knew the truth.
Look at my thread there is no low a WW will not go to. Read Sandi's reflection, the WW could careless about you (and in my case the kids too), so to look you in the eye piece of cake, smile no problem, kiss your kids without a doubt she is not cheating on them.
I am sorry to be blunt but I think I am telling you something you already know in your gut.
Me 41 W 33 M 2013 Suspect A 11/15 Confirm A 1/16 She moved out 2/14/16 Stepson 13 Stepson 16
Yeah, I feel it. And even though I would be willing to forgive her for cheating, I think. I need to know. I have a tampon that she took off last night, no it's not bloody. I found a lab online that does semen tests and will mail it there when I save up the money. I know it's a new low for me. I thought that I was doing good with the GAL and detaching, but I guess I'm not. I know I don't have a choice but to let go, I just hate being lied to.
Yeah, I feel it. And even though I would be willing to forgive her for cheating, I think. I need to know. I have a tampon that she took off last night, no it's not bloody. I found a lab online that does semen tests and will mail it there when I save up the money. I know it's a new low for me. I thought that I was doing good with the GAL and detaching, but I guess I'm not. I know I don't have a choice but to let go, I just hate being lied to.
That's a lot of work (and messy too)! Why don't you just get a hold of her cell phone and look? Or go to the gym one day if you ahve suspicions?
I believe DB really frowns on snooping but I think ascertaining whether you have a WAW or WW is vitally important to your approach. For me, my WW tried to pretend she was a WAW but I knew that she was WW. Your approach has to be very different for a WW, as per Sandi's thread also. It's true you can't change her but if your W is a WW, you cannot believe most of the things she says.
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
Yeah, I think I hit rock bottom. I am looking through the garbage can for a used tampon for crying out loud! I thought that getting it tested would give me peace of mind, but the truth is it won't. What if she used a condom? What if she didn't do anything that night, but did the week before that? What if she just gave him oral sex? The questions as well as the possibilities are endless. The truth is every second I waste thinking about her, is a second that I'm not thinking about me. I am better than looking through the garbage, I am better than waking up at 12am wondering where she is. I NEED TO FOCUS ON ME. Otherwise I'm proving her right. I'm not worth being with if I'm looking through trash. I'm not worth being with if I don't think I'm important enough to think about. I need to value me before she or anyone ever will. It has to be genuine too. Women are very intuitive and will pick up on pretending to not care. I don't care, I can't care because I can't control it and trying to will drive me crazy. I NEED TO LET HER GO. She wants space, she can have it, she needs it, she needs to heal and she needs to decide for herself what that looks like. I wouldn't want her to decide what healing looks like for me, why should I decide what it looks like for her?
So I went to a Catholic men's conference today as part of GAL. It was awesome!! I picked up a CD about family and would love for my wife to hear it, one of the things that father says is that love is not a feeling, it's a commitment. I think it would be pretty obvious that that's the reason I want her to hear it. Thoughts?
