Yeah.. I am Definatly not detached. But at least I'm not pursuing. What I would love to be is indifferent.
I am now becoming aware of how this all feels like one of those bad dreams you have, that you are just so happy to wake up from... So I guess reality is setting in. I am not as mad. But really depressed lately. I was actually thinking of researching anti depressants. I just want to go back to real exercise. Then maybe I wouldn't need something like that. I am afraid of those types of medicines. Husband is a constant thought, except when I am at work.
For a while and yes, even now I keep thinking that husband will see the light. He will come around. the fact that he has not yet asked for divorce is really messing with me.
He asked me to talk tomorrow to "catch up" and discuss weekend schedules of kids. I Don't have hope that talk will be positive. I don't think it will be filled with arguments though (that only happens when I ask about reconciliation). Our last conversation and dinner out was not combative at all.
I am just envisioning him saying something like "it's not fair for me to lead you on...no way our marriage is salvageable at this point" or "we can't prolong this anymore. It's not fair to either of us. Let's figure out mediation" etc.
Or maybe it really is just to catch up and be friendly which is a good sign...this time I am letting him initiate and not bringing up relationship and ending things first.
