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Thats a tough one. My WAW went through that stage of ME ME ME. Look at ME. It was exhausting. I could not do it any more. I'm sure that's one reason I am in my sitch. When W are so insecure that they must build their self-esteem from verbal pats on the back. Very sad really.


Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.

Me-50 WAW-45
S13
Married 24 years
Bomb 1-Jan.2008
Disc. EA
She came back for 8 years
Bomb 2-Jan-2016
Separation 3-12-2016
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Quote:
Should I react with more enthusiasm or should I try to ignore it like I have been so far?


Ignore it.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Bear007 Offline OP
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thanks for the replies, unfortunately I had accident, broke something, vent to ER. W was there for transport and waiting room, emotional support was as he was with a friend who broke something, not hubby. :S

Also last week she asked me for sex, almost begged me every day and I stood firm (pun intended).
I went for no, my friend in pants went for yes.
As I am the boss there was no sex, but wife saw that there was some excitement. She also hugged me few times and said she need human touch.

Also few times when I went to bed she snuggled in and tried to initiate something, again I stood firm but refused.

Me me me phase is still ongoing, exchanging with depression phase (as predicted she still has not found job, and it is bugging her a lot)


Me38,W36,D9
M 10y, R 14y

10/11/2015 wants to leave
25/12/2015 definitely wants to leave, makes plans
Jan 2016 started DBing
Feb 2016 sleeping in separate rooms
Sep 2016 sleeping in same room
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Glad to see you posting. Are you feeling okay after the accident?


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Bear007 Offline OP
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Ok after accident, no problems, it should be okay in 2 weeks + therapy 2w. No biggie, things happen when you sport. smile

She asked for sex again and again (3 times just last night)
Increasingly annoying, plus it seems like she has distanced herself from me emotionally, said that she does not hate me anymore and does not think of me as a person in her life.


Me38,W36,D9
M 10y, R 14y

10/11/2015 wants to leave
25/12/2015 definitely wants to leave, makes plans
Jan 2016 started DBing
Feb 2016 sleeping in separate rooms
Sep 2016 sleeping in same room
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,666
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Quote:
Increasingly annoying, plus it seems like she has distanced herself from me emotionally, said that she does not hate me anymore and does not think of me as a person in her life.


Wow! That must feel pretty degrading to hear those words and then she turns around and asks for sex. Tell her to buy a sex toy. You are worth much more than being an object for her personal pleasure.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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You are so strong! I had a hard time cutting off the sex with my H, even after he said he didn't love me and never has. I know it may be hard at times but trust me when I say caving makes you feel even worse about yourself. I cut it off when the last time I felt like a hooker, he gave me money for groceries, I got a high five after and he left. Yup..that's how bad it got before I said F this so don't cave. Yeah,I agree with sandi on what she said too.


Me:24 H:26
T:7yrs M:4yrs
S:4 D:5
ILYBNILWY 12/5
PA Confirmed 2/19


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Stick to your guns (pun intended), Bear! I second what Sandi and Red said - it will make you feel awful afterwords because it isn't the same. It won't feel like it is with your W because she is like an alien right now.

Glad the injury isn't very serious! Keep up the Db'ing


M 44 H 46
M 20yrs T 25 yrs
S15 S12

ILYBINILWY 7/18/15
Move to MBR 9/8/15
Physical Separation 10/10/15
Suspect A 8/2015
Confirm A 12/27/15
D filed by H 2/2/16
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 109
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Bear007 Offline OP
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Thanks for the support and advises and kind words.

I have to say that this thing 'I don't see you as a person in my life anymore', like she is living with me like a roommate caused pain, it hurts to see that person you once knew changed so drastically.

Had telephone talk with mother in law about something unrelated and then topic of my wife (her daughter) came, obviously my wife announced something because there was concern and she supported me - she said stay calm and don't let her ruin marriage.
She also said to think of the child, and that she will try to talk to my wife.

I responded that it is not wise to talk to my wife, that she is unreasonable right now, and that I am doing my best to save marriage. I don't know if her support is genuine?


Me38,W36,D9
M 10y, R 14y

10/11/2015 wants to leave
25/12/2015 definitely wants to leave, makes plans
Jan 2016 started DBing
Feb 2016 sleeping in separate rooms
Sep 2016 sleeping in same room
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 770
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Bear,

Even if your MIL's support is genuine and meant to be in your best interest, I think you telling her that it isn't a good idea is correct. Your W will just think you pushed her into it and it will backfire. I believe it is one of Sandi's 37 rules not to enlist the help of family. So, even if you didn't do it, the W will believe that you did.


M 44 H 46
M 20yrs T 25 yrs
S15 S12

ILYBINILWY 7/18/15
Move to MBR 9/8/15
Physical Separation 10/10/15
Suspect A 8/2015
Confirm A 12/27/15
D filed by H 2/2/16
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