I Still Think It's Too Late (pt 2)

[1313]

Thornton, Vanilla - exactly.

After a brief hour of excitement, reality took hold and as you see above - I'm certainly not holding my breath. In fact, I'm feeling this as a cruel trick of some kind.

If indeed she's serious - there's a long and rough road ahead.

What's harder is that next week she's planned a room with the OM before they go off to a high school reunion get-away in Arizona.

Do I still move ahead if she goes and does that? Or is this just being done to inflict pain?

A lot of things need to happen before I can feel this is serious, and I'm not so sure she or I can make the changes. I'll need my coach and you guys more than ever - because it will shift from venting to actual hard work.

For now - I'm going to ignore this all and try to enjoy the weekend. And maybe some sleep would be nice!

[Phoebe]

Don't get ahead of yourself 1313. Let it play out without overanalyzing every word.

That's been the most important lesson I've been trying to learn.

[TimR]

OMG!!!! I just caught up. That news is fantastic, scary, shocking, wonderful, worrisome, great, and terrifying all in one. Reread Sandi's rules and reflections. Make a list of conditions and steps to those conditions and post on here to get feedback from others. Do a pros and cons list to decide if you even want her back. I could just imagine how you head and heart are spinning! I don't know whether to congratulate you or tell you to be cautious, I think both.

Best of luck to you 1313, I will be praying and keep us posted!

[1313]

Well, just an update - and that's that there's no update.

Thanks Tim - I agree. There's a lot to consider.

However, at least at this moment I think this was a temporary case of cold feet. The court date is Tuesday, and she was probably just freaking out that it's all happening so fast. But, that's what she wanted.

If I were to guess, she spent a couple of days with a wise old friend - who might have talked some sense into her. But now she's had a chance to return, reflect, and probably even had a date with the OM Friday night.

As I've not heard except for that one text, I'm going to assume nothing has changed. I will certainly talk to DB coach Monday, but think moving ahead is what's going to happen. She's going to have to say something to her L by Monday I would assume. If not, the ball is in my court.

[TimR]

Yeah her L will probably be on her about her decision because we do not like to wait till the last minute to tell the court. It also drives us nuts and frustrates us if our clients are constantly changing their minds. Lots of self reflection for you buddy but I agree I would not get my hopes up and certainly do not have any expectations.

[broke]

1313 -

Thanks for the "no update" update. I agree with everyone else and it seems like you are handling it very well by being calm, having no expectations and continuing on. Keep it up and keep us posted. Thinking of you!

[1313]

Thanks broke.

Well, I have an update, but sadly it is not quite as I had hoped. The W emailed me and said that the path that "we" have taken is taking on a life of its own and has caused both of us to be backed into a corner.

She's suggesting another course of action for a more amicable parting. She's suggesting that somebody like that wise old friend I mentioned above could broker an agreement.

She of course is putting the blame on me with all the "we's", and wants to find another course of action.

I'm mostly leaning towards this being total BS.

Of course it's heart breaking that she's not looking for reconciliation, and is only considering that her actions are costing her money. At least at the moment I feel like a big FU and moving forward with the path she started.

I'm really not sure I see another course of action at this point. Any "brokering" is going to mean I lose from what I see right now.

I'd like to answer back: "So you're not talking about any possibility of reconciliation?" but I think even that is breaking one of Sandi's rules.

For the moment I'm not going to say anything at all.

I'm sick of this roller coaster, and I just knew this was yet one more blow to the gut. I can't believe it.

[NYGal]

Yeah, don't mention reconciliation now at all.

[Uphill]

They spin and ride that rollercoaster with the best of them! It is our job to not take the bait to join them on the ride. Please learn from all the mistakes me and many others have made and just stay neutral. If she's miserable, be pleasant. If she's over the top happy, stay pleasant. Don't take the bait for crazy long and open R talks. That shows them exactly what they need, to see you're still there. Just remain as neutral no matter what is said and keep them expectations caged up. Actions will show you exactly what she wants, talk is cheap

[1313]

NYGal, Uphill,
yeah - I have to admit though I'm sick to my stomach. I had tried not to hope too much and assume that "stopping the divorce" meant what it said.

It's amazing, just as I had pretty much made peace with what was about to take place, and literally 3 days before the court date she pulls this cr*p.

Ugh. So depressing.

I'm not going to answer at all. I'm going to deliver some files she "demanded" today while she's at work. I'll just leave them at the door, no note, nothing.

At the moment (this changes every few seconds - I'm tired of having to react) I'm thinking of just telling the L to put things on hold until (if/when) the W decides to move forward again.

Time is something I prayed for - so if this is what I get, I'll take it.

However, I will not pursue any other course of action I don't think. She had her chance for a mediator. Until I see something resembling goodwill, I'm sticking with the attorney. I'd be nuts not to.

I think at this point Sandi is so right. She was about to lose the frosting on her cake. She wants it all, to string me along, and have the OM.

I'll see what wisdom the DB coach has - because now I really need it.