Now what?/ One Day at a Time

[ciluzen]

Hi Melweb. Sending you some (((hugs))).

It could be a little shock and a little bit that you had already played the confrontation scene in your head enough that, on some level, you had accepted it as a reality already.

Its interesting looking back on it, but before my H BDed, he had started doing his own laundry and sleeping downstairs. Its almost like they see that (and cooking) as a primary function that we do for them, so taking that responsibility away from us both is a way of asserting their independence and is a statement that they don't need us.

Funny thing is, I now know that in a healthy relationship, you DON'T need the other person. You simply WANT to be with them because you CHOOSE to be with them. NEEDS will change or be fulfilled and be done with. You were chosen by H at some point.
Remember that. MLC causes him to question everything in his life including the R with you. I guess this is why we focus on us...try to get our lives back to when WE didn't think we needed our H. Then the hope is that we find the strength to either wait out their MLC or realization that they still want us, or the strength and peace to move on even though we want them.

I believe that you granting him his wish to do his is own laundry and meals is a consequence to his actions, but also falls into the realm of you being the bigger person because you are not fighting his request.