My sixth thread was titled "kavikratu" which means one who possesses wisdom or sacrifices, full of discernment, having wise designs, having the insight of a wise man or fully wise insight.
My eighth thread was "Ksanti" which means exercising patience toward behavior or situations that might not necessarily deserve it and is seen as a conscious choice to actively give patience as if a gift, rather than being in a state of oppression in which one feels obligated to act in such a way.
My tenth thread was "siddhiyatrika" which is a Sanskrit word whose literal meaning means one who makes a pilgrimage to learn magical arts or to gain good luck or beatitude.
The name I have chosen to title this thread is the Sanskrit word "atesja".
atesja is a sanskrit word which means dim, not vigorous, not bright, feebleness, absence of brightness or vigour, dullness, dimness, insignificance, shade, a shadow.
Let's see if at the end of 100 posts if we can uplift your spirits enough to have a more vibrant positive word for the next thread.
Why did you choose this word?
Happy thoughts.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
I have not posted for a week. Upon reflection I realized I was grasping and forming attachments to fill a hole within myself. The sad empty feeling was a reminder of what I desired. I now choose to stop filling that hole with anything I find. I understand what I'm feeling, I acknowledge these feelings, I give myself time to experience them and then I will put them down. I do not have to act on these feelings.
I have chosen to continue to post for myself and others. When I post I go through a moment of self reflection which allows me a course correction as I blaze this new path into the future. I post for others so that you might learn from my struggle and make your journey a little easier.
As I sit here I am a point in my evolution that I accept that life is change. If you attach yourself to deeply to anyone or any outcome you create struggle and chains that bind you.
If what you do works for you then that is very important.
You know the best attachment you can have is to yourself? Detach from all other outcomes and attach to your own.
Like V you need marinade time and that is ok. Some of us do so, it takes time for our emotions to settle. That's fine and the way you work. I have noticed that my gentle Mu needs his space to think and shift.
I have also noted that Mu makes big shifts when he makes them. A kaizen system is not your modus. It frustrates you I think, you want the changes to happen although your nature is to marinade.
I wonder what you can do to take advantage of your nature, to make things unfold in time?
Let it be, let it rest and lay awhile.
In many ways you give yourself too much power as if every decision you make is made irreversibly. Others have their choices too Mu, just because you grasp and make attachments doesn't make them made. Others have their choices too!
I would very much like Little Mu to look in his soul and to fill his hole with love for Big Mu. Truly there is no 'hole' only gaps which Little Mu can expand to fulfill. That little boy who is so vulnerable Ioves you Mu, wants the most wonderful things for you and is looking to you to grow him into you. You do not need to have this space if you look into you and see that which is so precious, so capable of extraordinary things.
I want that Mu should see this for himself with acceptance and peace, the amazing being that is Mu. The unique being for whom there has already been extraordinary growth already.
And as for forming attachments, friendships, loving bonds with those who care for you, that as human beings is what we are designed to do. There is fear that you make these bonds and they break you will be abandoned, I think so. That is life, that is how relationships grow, to risk is to risk broken bonds even with those we love dearly. That is the risk of love, the risk of enrichment of life and it's ok.
To risk exposure of self is authenticity and being. So this means that we offer who we are warts and all. We can be who we are and become, who we are matters to us and to connect as us is acceptance of our nature. Not all those we like will like us back, not all those we love will love us in return. So be it, and that is ok too. And this can change and that's ok too.
Others have their choices as do we.
You can only attach to those who wish it. It's fine my lovely Mu and to know that is comforting and healing.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Those attachments were welcomed support and comradery. Don't beat yourself up over that.
Move on, learn, grow.
When you have taken the time you need to reflect, cone back.
We all are missing something. Otherwise we would not be here. We can grow and developed and become less dependent on needing what we miss. But I personally don't think we should develope ourselves so much to fill that need. I have a need for a healthy R and regardless how fulfilling a life I can create, there are some aspects of a deep R that cannot and should not be belittled.I can put those needs aside for a while but ultimatelyiI will have a R that meets that.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Each day I wake up and try to do the best I can. Each day my life seems dim, not vigorous, not bright, feebleness, absence of brightness or vigor, dullness, dimness, insignificance, shade, a shadow. I understand that I am creating this environment, it is my perspective.
Vanilla, my primary issue in CBT is my abandonment schema. I am aware that this is the source of my struggle and am working to overcome it's influence. Each day is cold & windy and I stand in the shadows while there is sun all around me. I've made someone my sun and there is no warmth and light for me. I know I must make myself the sun and spread my love and compassion on all the objects in orbit around me. The feelings of rejection and abandonment stifle me.
Roiste, I appreciate your effort to assist me. I carry great disappointment, I have been rejected and abandoned. This is a source of constant suffering for me. I am not sure I want to be this vulnerable ever again. Even if I did, I don't think I could trust someone with my heart again.
All I have is let go of my burdens yet I cling to them
The healing of abandonment is not the rejection of connection but in the embracing of it. When you start to recognise this the journey becomes easier and lighter.
Take a leap of faith Mut, let go, your clinging is stopping love coming to you.
Thank you Jelly for responding. I have no doubt that your solution is true. I am struggling with how to respond to the suggestion. Perhaps I equate embracing connection with giving up on my marriage. I am still clinging to the thought of growing old with my wife and enjoying the grand children together. In this it seems I have failed and I can't face it.
I can understand your feelings and reasoning, but I am worried that your current frame of mind is not helping you. You once posted a nice story of how to catch a monkey and how letting go is the unthinkable but the only solution.
I am not saying give up. We have all come across marriages that have come back from the seemingly impossible. It can and does happen.
But dwelling on it and being dragged down by it, will not help either you or your M. You need to accept how you feel but not be ruled by it.
The only way to change you or your situation is by what you DO. I have read loads on pma,on happiness, on well being, on relationships etc and that is a key shared by them all. That is why we put together goals and action plans.
V will.help with your thinking, but I found the website" excel at life" to be full of great (free) help with the mental aspect of our journey.If we are not in the right mindframe our actions reflect that.
Happy thoughts
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Let us examine your pretzel thinking. The logic makes sense to you off course so let us unravel it.
Mu it isn't possible for one connection and only one to fulfil all your needs. That is a tremendous burden for any partner to have to be everything to another.
I am not thinking of sexual exclusivity but emotional need. We have the need as humans for different sorts of connections and they include -mentoring -frienship -leadership -group connection -humour -single cause involvement -sharing -love and human understanding -caring and compassion
These are essential for our wellbeing and support in life, they include relatives, colleagues, family and peer group. Some are men and some are women. Connection of this type with women is like having sisters, aunts and daughters. Some connections are for life others for now.
Any W would struggle to provide this and frankly it's unfair to ask it.
Having such connections, sisters under the skin supports and does not undermine your primary R. I think it is a wonderful amazing thing to have the capacity to build friendships and connections with a wide variety of women, old birds like V, young whippersnappers like Jellyb and witty kind women like Fo.
I hope you can see that these connections by supporting Mu are supporting his desire for R. They are a positive influence on your goal to stand. They do not detract.
They give Mu insight and guidance and in return those with connection receive the same from you. Frienship given freely is one off the greatest gifts in our lives.
Mu I would very much like to help you reach a 180 on this, so that you can enjoy the help support and care you receive. That you can see these connections as a spiritual support for shift and healing. That you understand this connection is from a wonderful uplifting space and offers you extra support for a new M.
Enjoy your friendships and care and sisterly love.
Know that this adds to your development and healing.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
