Update- Talking about my living situation and coming up with a better parenting plan on MY terms since I needs to stop being such a doormat. New 180 for me is being making DECISIONS instead of just taking orders.
I want this thread to be about ME. About how I, MYSELF and going to be a stronger, better person. Be a beautiful butterfly coming out of my cocoon. I am going to be focusing as much as me as possible( and the babies of course.)
Brooke to answer your question- Yes I think I need to remind him of calling or asking permission before he comes. I will remind him, even if we share the house on my days it is mine and on his night it is his. I do not come over at all, and if I needed to I would ask permission first on his days.
Txhubby- Oh I feel like it's major cake eating. You make a good point and something I really haven't noticed is that even though he left, he makes 80% of all decisions still. He chooses what day off he wants the kids, he chooses what time I come home the next day, he actually gets to choose a lot now that I'm thinking about it. That NEEDS to be something I change. Thank you for pointing it out.
Sotto- I honestly think taking them to his friends house is not a big deal until I move out and into my moms. H should be in the house alone because his friend will be DEPLOYED for 3-6 months and it is a huge house. I have been inside of it, has a nice back yard, it's beautiful home and if the OW is there, well she can go home that day or be there. My kids love her to death, she WAS my best friend and like an aunt to them.
No more morning visits. A-makes it harder to get the kids motivated to go to school B- he just SLEEPS or lays on the couch and doesn't actually interact with anyone since he just got off a 12-13 hour shift overnight and needs to sleep.
My friend thinks he came just because he misses hearing the kids giggling and running around in the mornings getting ready for school. Not my problem!
I AM going to be picking out some days off I want. No more letting him choose every day he gets them, choosing what time I come home. I was thinking of saying (next time we discuss scheduling.) You can have them X day and I will be home by X time the next day. Then Maybe next week let him choose. Split it 50/50 who decides.
SIDE NOTE: I bought myself some new lipstick today. It makes me feel confident since I have 5 lipsticks in the same shade and this ones BOLD and awesome and not like anything I have.
I'm very nervous about tomorrow. I am going to be with my MIL, H's aunt and some other family from both sides of his cousins family for a bridal shower.
Probably 11:30-5 pm with them. I'm sweating and feeling anxious. I almost do not want to go but his cousin was in my wedding and did a lot for me to help me.
The wedding is at my inlaws and my MIL asked me to help with that also..It is about a month or so away..April 17?27? It is something like that.
Part of me says - girlfriend you are a Crazy for going. Cut his family out. The other half says keep them close because the only family you have in florida is your mom and you may need to ask his family for help sometimes.
I am driving with the kids to my inlaws where H will be sleeping after work. I will, I guess go in my MILs car and leave mine there and then H will get up and take the kids and..stay at his parents or come to the house? No idea, didn't ask.
I really hope I do not regret going. I hope no one ask about my M. I will most likely lie if they do, my go to for m talk is oh I'm not really sure what is happening right now, it is super confusing and I really hate talking about it. How are you doing?
I have to dress up fancy. Some of these people have not seen me since thaksgiving or christmas aka 30-40 lbs heavier. I need to make sure I look and feel beautiful without taking focus off the bride. Dress code is black dress.
Trying to force myself to sleep now. Wishing myself luck!
These are people who love you and your children and are showing you their support. Just enjoy that. They will always be your children's family, so don't cut them off.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
All the best, Rednail! Painter is absolutely right - these people are your family, too, and that they want to include you during this awkward time says a lot about them.
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
My best friend who stopped by this morning annoyed me. She was going through my phone looking for a phone number while I was making breakfast.
Bff:Mmmmmm girlfriend you need to stop talking to your H so much.
Me: what do you mean? I never talk to him?!
Bff: Your call log has at least a call almost everyday unless he is you know where and when he is you know where there is at least 1 or more texts. That is daily contact!
Me: He calls or asks about the kids but that is it.
Bff: He uses the kids as an excuse to contact you.
Me: I don't think so.. Do you want eggs?
Changed topic to other stuff.
I went and looked and she was right. If he is with the OW I get a text or two..if he isn't he calls me to talk to the kids. Sometimes he will talk to me for a few minutes.
Am I STILL talking to much? I thought I was doing good with limited contact just about the kids.
I never call or text him, I make 0 effort unless its emergency such as hospital, dr, etc.
Good morning, Red, I hope your shower goes well today. I agree you just need a statement that you feel comfortable with to get others to understand that you do not want to talk about the state of your M. Maybe you could say that you don't want to talk about it because a bridal shower isn't appropriate. You don't want to take the focus off the bride where it belongs. Then, enjoy your time with family (seems like they consider you part of their family).
Do you have a boundary set about talking about he kids? Originally, I thought you weren't going to respond….I thought I remembered you ignoring his texts or letting his calls go to voicemail unless they were important. I thought you were leaving him a list with all the details he needed and headed out of the house as soon as he got there. IMHO, he really is still trying to control and he uses the kids to do that as often as he can. That doesn't mean that you are talking to him too much unless you think that you aren't sticking by the boundary that you set with it….
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
Hey Reds have fun today. I agree with Broke have a statement ready to stop the topic from coming up. Recently, I had a 'friend' call me and say "Hey I heard a rumor about you and W...." I knew he was calling to fish for info. Before he had a chance to finish his sentence I said "I am not going to talk with you about that cause it is none of your business." Truthfully, I was in a bad mood and used a harsh tone, but he has not asked me about it again. This 'friend' is a gossip queen and will be friends with you to your face and talk about you behind your back.
I am not telling you to be rude like me but I think it is ok to say, I am not comfortable to talk about it or this really is not the place to talk about this.
Hope you have a great day and some fun today Reds!
Me 41 W 33 M 2013 Suspect A 11/15 Confirm A 1/16 She moved out 2/14/16 Stepson 13 Stepson 16
