I Still Think It's Too Late (pt 2)

[1313]

What do you mean by that? Are you going to file for D?

The W already filed for D. Our first court date is next Wednesday! So, I don't need to file - that's why I'm here.

I'm really guessing she got cold feet for a moment - and will pull herself together and get back on track. As much as I'd love to believe she's serious about not moving ahead.

She's literally had almost a year to plan this. I know she started in April of last year.

I think only Sandi could explain what's going on with her, but I'm sure there's a fight in her brain between what's left of the old W, who did have a moral compass. I think our last little exchange gave her pause to reflect for a moment what she's doing. Or who knows - maybe a spat with the OM? For all I know they're making up at this very moment.

Honestly, the more I'm thinking about this the more I feel it's a momentary thing. She'll realize (if not already) that I'm the enemy, and go back to D full steam ahead. Maybe I sound calloused - but I sort of am. On reflection I don't believe her. She's said a lot of terrible things to me that she's been harboring for 30 years - even if she's using it as an excuse now there's always some truth to a lie.

And I too have said some horrible things about her - not to her face, but in email to a friend, which she's read. Sure, a lot if not most of it was letting off steam, but still. I had to feel a little bit of that. In fairness - can I not do that?

I want so badly to forgive her. But I'm weak. I have not been able to fully up to this point - especially when faced by constant attack.

Now that for a moment I've actually faced the possibility of reconciliation - can I really do it? I don't know. I've got a lot of prayer and reflection tonight.

I'd almost think she did this just to be cruel - would she contact her lawyer to tell him that?

I'm so tired. I don't feel any better tonight than I did yesterday. Isn't that pathetic?