I Still Think It's Too Late (pt 2)

[NYGal]

Read up on Surviving Infidelity and be as prepared as you can be. Validate, by cheerful, a bit detached, never desperate, and I like the idea of you setting a time to talk, not her.
Yes, she's stewing in it for sure, and wondering wth?

[CWOL]

Hold your horses... If she's calling it off, there should be a document to dismiss the divorce petition, right? See if your lawyer can get that.

[Phoebe]

Take it really slowly 1313, but I've got my fingers crossed for you that this is moving in the direction you want it to. It sounds encouraging, but everyone is right on - don't scare the squirrel.

[1313]

Yeah, I finally texted her back asking "what do you mean by this?" and haven't gotten an answer. I might already have scared the squirrel but you know what? If she's that fidgety then it wasn't meant to be.

I'm in no hurry - if I have bought any time at all, that's the blessing I've been looking for.

A chance.

Yes, the OM has to be gone, gone gone. Buh-bye. And you know what? It's going to be very difficult with her friends as well - some of them were enablers. How do you treat somebody who was egging her on?

My buddy just emailed - get an STD test. Oh yeah, and a post-nup agreement. We have a LOT of things to work out - and a contract is the beginning.

[Painter]

I would probably text back: "Okay. Care to share why?" It's crucial to listen and not talk right now. My replies would be limited to 'okay' and 'I see' and 'thanks for sharing' until you have time to yourself to digest any info you get.

In my mind, it could be anything from not feeling like she has her ducks in a row legally yet, realizing what it would mean financially, having her parents put pressure on her, OM dumping her, or numerous other reason - including having had a change of heart.

However, I would think that if she had changed her mind, there would have been some kind of communication between the two of you that showed you she regretted the decision and wanted to reconcile.

I understand this must be very, very tense... but really, you are exactly where you were, there's just more time and less legal stress, which is good regardless what's in your future. It means you can focus more on yourself and your mother's wellbeing right now.

[1313]

Painter,
my reply was "What do you mean by this?". Because, it could mean several things besides what I hope. Like, she wants to put it on hold - she wants to not go to court - or she wants to reconcile. Only the middle one is one I don't have to think about, we're moving forward.

The other 2 I'd need to think about in fairness to both of us. Slowing the process down I'd most likely be in agreement with - there's no advantage to putting this on the fast track. A reconciliation is going to be a very complicated thing. I will need to talk with DB coach about that.

We'd both need counseling, I'd need therapy - we'd most certainly create something akin to a pre-nup, because I refuse to have these feelings harbored if we can have a written agreement as to what sort of performance is expected.

I fully admit - I blew a lot of things. BIGTIME. But, that wasn't a reason to never talk to me and to start an affair.

And to tell you the truth - as much as I love her I don't know if I can move past the A. In fairness to her - I couldn't reconcile and then have that to use as a weapon. I could never bring it up or think about it again. Just as she'd need to cut a lot of ties I'm not sure she's willing to cut.

And as you said Painter - I have no idea why she's thinking about this either. Are her reasons truly valid? Is it convenience? Is it a sudden twinge of guilt? A spat with the OM? Money? Because if it's about losing sh*, that's not a reason. As I told her when she accused me of loving her for money - I would be happy living in a shack selling t-shirts on the beach, as long as I was with her.

Who knows, maybe when I told her all the stuff I shouldn't have told her a couple of days ago when I "blew it" and didn't DR, maybe one of those things actually reached her. I may never know.

At this moment I'm still waiting to hear a reply. She may be doing the waiting game - I didn't tell her I actually didn't see the message until now. Perhaps I should have. It's too late now. If I don't hear anything by Monday, I'm moving ahead as if nothing happened.

But I'll really know by tomorrow really that it was just a momentary lapse. Kind of like when the clouds move over the full moon, and the werewolf turns back into the person you love for just a moment. The moon might have just come out again.

[Painter]

If I don't hear anything by Monday, I'm moving ahead as if nothing happened.

What do you mean by that? Are you going to file for D?

[Thornton]

Whoa! I missed all of this today!

I've got my fingers crossed for you, 13.

Who the hell knows what she's thinking. Time will tell. In the meantime, don't hold your breath and try not to get your hopes too high. She could easily flip back to the angry, pissed off W.

Play it cool.

[Vanilla]

My suggestion is that you let it unfold in time.

Work on you, consider what you want, move very slowly.

Stay silent as much as you can, observe, listen detach.

V

[1313]

What do you mean by that? Are you going to file for D?

The W already filed for D. Our first court date is next Wednesday! So, I don't need to file - that's why I'm here.

I'm really guessing she got cold feet for a moment - and will pull herself together and get back on track. As much as I'd love to believe she's serious about not moving ahead.

She's literally had almost a year to plan this. I know she started in April of last year.

I think only Sandi could explain what's going on with her, but I'm sure there's a fight in her brain between what's left of the old W, who did have a moral compass. I think our last little exchange gave her pause to reflect for a moment what she's doing. Or who knows - maybe a spat with the OM? For all I know they're making up at this very moment.

Honestly, the more I'm thinking about this the more I feel it's a momentary thing. She'll realize (if not already) that I'm the enemy, and go back to D full steam ahead. Maybe I sound calloused - but I sort of am. On reflection I don't believe her. She's said a lot of terrible things to me that she's been harboring for 30 years - even if she's using it as an excuse now there's always some truth to a lie.

And I too have said some horrible things about her - not to her face, but in email to a friend, which she's read. Sure, a lot if not most of it was letting off steam, but still. I had to feel a little bit of that. In fairness - can I not do that?

I want so badly to forgive her. But I'm weak. I have not been able to fully up to this point - especially when faced by constant attack.

Now that for a moment I've actually faced the possibility of reconciliation - can I really do it? I don't know. I've got a lot of prayer and reflection tonight.

I'd almost think she did this just to be cruel - would she contact her lawyer to tell him that?

I'm so tired. I don't feel any better tonight than I did yesterday. Isn't that pathetic?