Who am I and what do I want?

[JGuy]

I want to elaborate on the confusing state I'm in now. I have moments of feeling excited by all of the unknown, then I have moments of feeling very restless and tired of waiting for my indecisive W to figure out what she wants. I get itchy for change and forward movement and she seems to prefer the exact opposite: holding back and resisting change.

My W is saying that things are shifting, she is saying that she feels some attraction to me again, and she is saying that the space I have given her is helping and that she is coming around. But her actions don't really align with this. There have been some kisses and cuddles as I mentioned, but still a strong resistance to really connecting with me. She resists when I invite her to do new things out of our ordinary patterns that would challenge the norms. She keeps a comfortable distance and has many excuses for avoiding intimacy. I feel ready for anything, ready to forgive, dive into the future and curiously explore what we might learn together. I am also ready to accept that perhaps we aren't right for each other, diving into the future to curiously explore what a life apart from each other might hold in store. I have told her recently that it's all OK, that she shouldn't feel afraid to consider all possibilities. We should get in touch with ourselves, be honest, and hold the intention of discovering what we really want. She quietly resists and keeps a certain distance. I can tell that she is moved by the new JGuy and some part of her is drawn to explore with me, but some other dominant part of her holds back. I don't know whether to be patient and trust her to come around, or whether heading off to explore without her is exactly what will draw her out of her stasis. Or perhaps there's absolutely nothing wrong with her stasis and she is just being true to herself, that what's being revealed is a genuine difference between us that I should accept and realize won't ever change. If so, then I definitely don't feel like she is the right partner for me, as this feels very empty and one-sided right now. Or perhaps she is the right partner and this all has something to do with me learning to let go and be unattached to expectations. It's all pretty confusing! I suppose I am pretty indecisive myself. Because of how confusing it is, I am compelled to just stay put and continue waiting for a clear way forward to reveal itself. I am definitely changing, so that's a good thing, I suppose.