I Still Think It's Too Late (pt 2)

[1313]

Painter,
my reply was "What do you mean by this?". Because, it could mean several things besides what I hope. Like, she wants to put it on hold - she wants to not go to court - or she wants to reconcile. Only the middle one is one I don't have to think about, we're moving forward.

The other 2 I'd need to think about in fairness to both of us. Slowing the process down I'd most likely be in agreement with - there's no advantage to putting this on the fast track. A reconciliation is going to be a very complicated thing. I will need to talk with DB coach about that.

We'd both need counseling, I'd need therapy - we'd most certainly create something akin to a pre-nup, because I refuse to have these feelings harbored if we can have a written agreement as to what sort of performance is expected.

I fully admit - I blew a lot of things. BIGTIME. But, that wasn't a reason to never talk to me and to start an affair.

And to tell you the truth - as much as I love her I don't know if I can move past the A. In fairness to her - I couldn't reconcile and then have that to use as a weapon. I could never bring it up or think about it again. Just as she'd need to cut a lot of ties I'm not sure she's willing to cut.

And as you said Painter - I have no idea why she's thinking about this either. Are her reasons truly valid? Is it convenience? Is it a sudden twinge of guilt? A spat with the OM? Money? Because if it's about losing sh*, that's not a reason. As I told her when she accused me of loving her for money - I would be happy living in a shack selling t-shirts on the beach, as long as I was with her.

Who knows, maybe when I told her all the stuff I shouldn't have told her a couple of days ago when I "blew it" and didn't DR, maybe one of those things actually reached her. I may never know.

At this moment I'm still waiting to hear a reply. She may be doing the waiting game - I didn't tell her I actually didn't see the message until now. Perhaps I should have. It's too late now. If I don't hear anything by Monday, I'm moving ahead as if nothing happened.

But I'll really know by tomorrow really that it was just a momentary lapse. Kind of like when the clouds move over the full moon, and the werewolf turns back into the person you love for just a moment. The moon might have just come out again.