Things like this can be difficult but I see that he is cake eating big time. Everything you talk about seems like it's him that dictates the terms. Where he will see the kids and such. He forfeited those privileges when he abandoned his family. Red, that is what he has done even in the eyes of the law. He has abandoned his family. Legally, once you do that you forfeit your family rights/privileges. He can visit the kids at YOUR discretion. You did not abandon them. He did. He can come inside YOUR house only with YOUR permission. He chose to abandon the home. He has no more rights to enter and exit as he sees fit. A lawyer will tell you all of this. I kind of enjoyed sharing this exact information with my wife when she abandoned our family home. She learned really quick that her actions came with consequences. She had to call and ask before she could come to the house even though she was still contributing to paying the mortgage. Why? Because legally she abandoned the home.
As for the conflict about where/when he has the kids. That's at YOUR discretion because you did not abandon them. He may not even know this but in the eyes of the court, he abandoned his children and subsequently forfeited his parental right to make decisions on their behalf. If you went before a judge today he/she would declare that you have custody of the children and he must arrange visits with them at your discretion. That's how it works. Something wayward spouses don't think about when they're getting their kicks.
You did nothing wrong. You're home being a good mother. You did not abandon anything. Not the marriage, the house, or the kids. Stand up for your rights. Be strong. He'll respect that. He does not get to dictate anything anymore. He, of his own free will, forfeited that right.
