Sparkling not so bright

[Sparkls]

He is a big boy an made choices in his life sparkles. Let him live with his decisions. It is not your job to look after him. You were fired from that job. I know it's hard not to stay involved. This could be an opportunity for him to see things you did for him.

It is difficult to stay away when the heart yearns for someone. The best thing to do is give yourself even 10 minutes to think through the positives and negatives of your actions. Give it longer if it is a big deal and make a decision with your head after you have really thought it through.

So given how bad the consequences would be, I don't think I'd be able to really sit okay with myself if I didn't say anything. You're right, it's not my job. And he should have taken care of this. But he's in no way shape or form being a responsible human being.

So given that. My next question is how do I go about telling him?
"Hey, just a friendly reminder to do X if you haven't already."

Or do I say something that would prompt more of a response? like "Hey have you taken care of X yet?" (I know for a fact he hasn't).

Ideas?

[NYGal]

Another suggestion: "I was just reminded about X. I hope you've taken care of that."
It will make him wonder how you were reminded about it!

[Tyler12]

It sounds like you want to make sure he is taking care of this and that's fine. It is ok to care for someone's best interest.

Ask yourself first. Are you doing this all for his well being OR does part of you doing whatever you want to do partially revolve around the idea of a positive response towards you for this.

It is good for him to see you in a positive light I believe. At the same time what happens if he had thought about it and is taking care of it soon. Will you come across as pursuing? Controlling?

He may say thank you I totally forgot. Thanks.

He may see the text or whatever and think. Crap I forgot. I'll take care of it but I don't want her to think she helped me an not respond or say ya I remembered.

Or he may think it's you trying to control his life a bit and become angry. Ya I know I am taking care of it. Don't worry I have my life handled.

I struggle with doing what is right for me as well. I always ask myself is this for me as a person or to get a reaction in any way. I don't want to do it for a reaction.

I like NYG suggestion of you do plan on approaching the subject.

Hope it all goes well regardless of what you decide. You are doing well and approaching this correctly by asking advice before acting.

[daybyday]

I agree with NYGal suggestion. That lets you off the hook as far as your conscience and puts the ball in his court to grow up and take care of his bidness.

[Sparkls]

If the past is any given indication, it'll come across as controlling since he thought me offering to pay for a plane ticket was controlling.

But if he doesn't do this, when I say bad consequences, I mean something that will ruin his entire life. Not just make him put in an awkward or uncomfortable place.

Okay so I'll give a little more background: he basically needs to update his address on something super important since he has moved out. He hasn't done this. So part of me thinks that the reason he hasn't done it is cause he may still come home (I know mind reading) or he's really just being that irresponsible.

I know it's not my circus anymore. And I know this is me trying to "fix" his irresponsibility. But when we're talking about him ruining his entire life and future, I don't know at what point "not my circus" becomes "reckless endagerment," ya know?

Part of me wants to send something like "If you aren't planning on coming home, you need to do X." But I'm sure that wouldn't go over well.

[Sparkls]

Another option is to have a mutual friend remind me and take me out of the equation but the there's no chance for the viewing me in a good light bit

[NYGal]

No, don't say if you aren't planning on coming home. Don't even say things you don't want to be true! Visualize what you do want and never voice with him your worst fears!
Go back to what I said above. I still like it as the best way to respond.

[Rednail]

Oh man that is a hard one. When my H left he needed to update our tags on our cars. Mine was fine but he was expired. This was before I joined the website. I sent a friendly hey don't forgot your tag expires on your birthday. He called me a nag and said he can handle it and doesn't need me always telling him what to do. Guess who got a ticket a week after for NOT registering the tag. Mhmm. Since then I don't say anything.

Is his mail, drivers license, etc still with your address on it? Like could it be sent to your house or use that address and later on he can switch it? If so I wouldn't say anything. If it is a one time thing where you HAVE to have it updated and changed right NOW then I probably would let him know but that is just me.

[broke]

Sparkles- you obviously are good person so you have to tell him to do what you think is right. Make it all business. I like NY's suggestion with a tweak:

"I was just reminded about X in case you still need to take care of it"

[Rednail]

If you do tell him I would do it like NYgal suggested, I like that way best.