Every time you start to feel really down, I want you to think about those things you are thankful for. REALLY think about them and allow yourself to FEEL THE FEELINGS of being thankful.
^^^This is something I've been practicing and it really shifts my thinking. It does take some practice but if you are diligent with it, I know it will help you.
Sometimes I even say out loud what I'm thankful for. Try it!
Thanks Broke. It's been an ok morning so far. I dunno if its the beginning of acceptance or faking-it-detaching or what but I've just come to the point where I realize that very little I do will affect this situation. I'm still looking for some signs of hope but I think reality is starting to settle in that he's just not coming back. I haven't turned my back on the possibility but frankly, what I want at this point doesn't really matter as it has no effect on the outcome. The only control I have is to say when the door is closed, it's entirely up to him to say he wants to try to walk through the door. And he's pretty clearly showing that he's not interested in that right now.
M:26 H:32 T:8yrs ILYBNILWY/ "I'm not happy": 2/6/16 D-Day-discovered PA/EA: 2/10/16 Separated: 2/14/16 He's living with OW I moved to different state: 06/16 Currently: Trying to move forward
Look inward Sparkls at who you are for hope. We are still wading through all our muck but its our inner strength that truly provides us hope. All our WAS are not interested right now. Let your journey be about you and his journey be about him.
I challenge you to get out an enjoy the weather a bit today... Especially since I am stuck in an office all day! Take the dogs for an extra long walk or IDK if you like architecture but go visit the capital building. If you go into the Supreme Court chambers it is beautiful and the lamp posts are real crystal and 24kt gold! That is a boat load of gold those things are huge. Just do something for you. I am sure you do not really want to but just try.
Sorry I am trying to fix now. So I will just say I can appreciate your loneliness and frustration and admire how far you have come in a brief time.
Me 41 W 33 M 2013 Suspect A 11/15 Confirm A 1/16 She moved out 2/14/16 Stepson 13 Stepson 16
Thanks Broke. It's been an ok morning so far. I dunno if its the beginning of acceptance or faking-it-detaching or what but I've just come to the point where I realize that very little I do will affect this situation. I'm still looking for some signs of hope but I think reality is starting to settle in that he's just not coming back. I haven't turned my back on the possibility but frankly, what I want at this point doesn't really matter as it has no effect on the outcome. The only control I have is to say when the door is closed, it's entirely up to him to say he wants to try to walk through the door. And he's pretty clearly showing that he's not interested in that right now.
You will be fine, you are young, unencumbered with kids, you have a chance at a fresh start once you get matched up.
Unlike us geezers
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
Yeah, everyone keeps saying that. I'm just not interested in a fresh start. I haven't spent the last 8 years with someone to end up looking for a fresh start...
And age doesn't really matter :p
M:26 H:32 T:8yrs ILYBNILWY/ "I'm not happy": 2/6/16 D-Day-discovered PA/EA: 2/10/16 Separated: 2/14/16 He's living with OW I moved to different state: 06/16 Currently: Trying to move forward
You don't deserve his abandonment Sparkls. It takes character to DB and to be realistic with possible outcome. There is always hope but as we detach more and hope dwindles, we reach that equilibrium where we are balanced again and we can move on. Now getting to that point is another story. We can just live daybyday.
Fight the good fight no matter the quality of your opponent.
Me-50 WAW-45 S13 Married 24 years Bomb 1-Jan.2008 Disc. EA She came back for 8 years Bomb 2-Jan-2016 Separation 3-12-2016
Sprarkls, you will have to let me know when you graduate. If I can come it is just a short trip for me. I was actually thinking of making the trip to chocolate world to get the boys the giant PB cups for Easter.
Me 41 W 33 M 2013 Suspect A 11/15 Confirm A 1/16 She moved out 2/14/16 Stepson 13 Stepson 16
It's may 15th I believe. ANd yes, epic-ly large PB cups are required. :-p
M:26 H:32 T:8yrs ILYBNILWY/ "I'm not happy": 2/6/16 D-Day-discovered PA/EA: 2/10/16 Separated: 2/14/16 He's living with OW I moved to different state: 06/16 Currently: Trying to move forward
So, dilemma. Something has come to my attention regarding H. If i do nothing, and don't send him a reminder to do it, he will get in big trouble. Doesn't affect me at all personally except him getting in trouble will be bad for any sort of R.
do I break NC to tell him? Thoughts? And yes, I'm being very vague for a reason.
M:26 H:32 T:8yrs ILYBNILWY/ "I'm not happy": 2/6/16 D-Day-discovered PA/EA: 2/10/16 Separated: 2/14/16 He's living with OW I moved to different state: 06/16 Currently: Trying to move forward
He is a big boy an made choices in his life sparkles. Let him live with his decisions. It is not your job to look after him. You were fired from that job. I know it's hard not to stay involved. This could be an opportunity for him to see things you did for him.
It is difficult to stay away when the heart yearns for someone. The best thing to do is give yourself even 10 minutes to think through the positives and negatives of your actions. Give it longer if it is a big deal and make a decision with your head after you have really thought it through.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
