Getting out of in house S (8)

[vise82]

hey,

W was texting me a lot yesterday at work, I try and wait till lunch now or the end of the day to reply. It was all bout what is going on, houses, asking how my house is going and showings after work, and she wanted us to pick up the kids together then go to get groceries and eat out. I was surprised as we haven't don that in a while, at least not since the kids know were are now separating. I didn't turn it down.

We didn't end up picking up the kids together as there was a showing, so I took the dog out and walked to the kids school and picked them up. Kids were a handful. S4 has been physical to other students today as his teacher told me. The school now knows we are S. and we asked for feedback if they see and trouble with the kids.

I noticed that W was getting frustrated with the kids, and she was calling them disgusting for how they were acting and dirty and gross, because they had dirty hands. All this negative directed right at them, and not there behavior.

I don't know how to handle it. I think I need to speak to her about it, its not helping at all calling them those names like that. And putting them down personally like that.

I don't have all information for the S papers and she is telling me that her Lawyer will just send it to my lawyer and then I can change it with the new info.

When did she get like that, at first she didn't want lawyers involved now her lawyer is dictating how things need to go. W needs to tell her L how it is and what W wants. I am working on it and it takes time to get stuff together.

Oh and before I left with the dog, the dog was playfully biting her and she is saying I am taking the dog and that it can be a house of boys (dog is a boy) and we can do all the gross stuff that guys do as much as we want and she doesn't have to see it.

I don't know if she was being playful with that but I just agreed and said me and the kids will have so much fun in our guy house.

[vise82]

Hey,

I am having trouble keeping hope alive for this MR. As I am detaching, and feel what I feel I look to what wife must be feeling towards me and knowing she is months if not years ahead of detaching its is scary. It just seems the longer it goes on the less a chance for us to R.

I also see that her picture in her head months ago of how everything was going to work out is almost coming true now. She was seeing us living like her relative, they have been separated for 20 years and lived in separate houses and the houses are walking distance from each other. They have a platonic relationship as far as I know and there is no one else in each other lives.

This is something I have no interest in.

So things are moving slow with the house, have not received another real offer since the first strong one we received the day it was listed.

W lawyer is pushing to get me to sign the S papers. W is putting the deposit on her house this week.

I go see my house this week to measure rooms to help determine what furniture I will be taking. Not sure if I should take the kids yet as I don't get the place until a couple of months. That is a long time to wait for a kid. W has already told kids where my house is near there school. I think she should have asked me before she said that.

yesterday W had her weight loss meeting and was home really late.
S7 had a melt down and was saying he hated his family, I asked why and he said because his mom slapped him, I asked where, he said in the face when she was putting him in time out.

I texted W to ask if she did slap him, she said no. and then I just told her that I didn't think so but I wanted to let her know what S7 said.

I hope I did the right thing, as I see no mark on his face and I talked to him and said I am sure she slapped you by mistake and that no one should be hitting you, no one is aloud to hit anyone, that is why there is no hitting at school and at home. If someone hits you do what you just did and tell me or your teacher. I told him I would talk to his mom about it.

W basically said that we can expect more of him telling stuff like that now that we are S more.

So this does make the dad in me worried, when we are S I wont be there to watch out for them. I don't think she did hit him but still it came out of his mouth.

So this morning W is telling me about the new car she is getting with leather and fully loaded and its less then what we are paying now. She said bi-weekly, but we pay monthly now. I didn't say anything to her. Not sure If I care. If she wants to trade in a three year old car and get an new one and pay almost double that her mistake to make. We drove the other day to get groceries and the brakes are smoking and she is like what is that smell? It your brakes I said. She said I told you about that months ago. I just ignored that. Not my car not my problem. I used to fix all the cars, wait till she gets a $400 bill to fix the brakes. Its sad but I am not fixing her car anymore.

[vise82]

Hey,

So I entered a gym yesterday. I entered contest to win a years membership for a family, I didn't win but received a two week membership for the family.

I took S4 with me to claim it, its at the place he went to daycare last year. So he wanted to show me around the gym and was happy to show me.

I have been afraid to go to a gym for a while now and it took me getting a free membership and my youngest son to get in one. They have a lot of kids programs and a pool and a running track so I think is going to be fun for us.

It was a family membership and I added W to the list. We came home and I mentioned that she is on the membership and that she need to get her pass if she is interested. I left it at that. I also brought home the schedule of events and there is family swim and running day. So if she want she can go but if not I will take the kids myself.

Also we countered on an offer on the house last night, we were sitting on the same couch and signing the paper work. My mind did drift for a while thinking how sad it was but I quickly regained myself. At this point there is no turning back on the house thing so no point even crying or saying anything sentimental to W.

The only hope now is that with the time apart it might pull her closer to me?

I got a hair cut at a new place the it felt good to take care of me. the girl was really nice and gave me some great complements saying I looked cute and manly with my stubble beard I was growing. She may have been fishing for a tip but I will take it.

[vise82]

Hey,

Just had a blast with both boys, took them to the gym while the open house was on. W hosts the open house so she has not been around.

After on Sat W picked up some food and we all ate at the dining room table. It was nice. After W wanted a movie night with the kids. Was fun also with snacks and pop. I put the kids to bed and W already moved to her tv I guess for Our separated time at night.

We have an offer on the house and are going back and forth on it. It is on our hands to accept and W is thinking of countering for 6 thousand dollars. I told her no, we are in control right now, lets just accept it. She agreed. No point in risking losing the offer over that amount of money.

The next day I can see she is aggravated, and poor S7 is getting the brunt of it, he is talking back and she goes right into him. Then she turns to me telling me I better start helping her and supporting this discipline instead of just sitting there and saying nothing. I said hey its your moment of disciplining I just let you do it. When its something I have to take care of I do.

Mind reading tells me the selling of the house is getting to the end. Maybe its bothering her, second guessing her decisions to S?

I have given up any ideas of trying to stop this, I cant see any chance for R unless we are in separate homes. I want to say something but we are so far ahead in the process and deposits have been made I cant. I also don't want to look weak and needy.

There was a good one where we met some of kids friends at the gym and one of them has a name that could be a boy or a girls name. W caught on that and with out flinching asked who the girl was that we were splashing. It was like she caught me, but no its a boy that goes to the kids school.

I am trying to picture in my head how the interactions are going to be once we are in separate houses. It has the possibility of no contact for days.

W is going ahead with the new car. I guess that is how she is replacing me for car stuff, new car, longer warranty. I did mention it to her about the new car will have bi weekly payment the same as the old cars monthly payments. I ask why could you get the payment lowered, she said she did and that we are paying bi weekly now. um no we are not. so the payments that I WILL BE MAKING TO HER WILL BE GOING TO PAY FOR THE NEW CAR AND NOT FOR KIDS STUFF. She is stuck on getting this new car, and for what to show everyone that she made such a good decision S because lok at the new car she can have now.

I let it go. so now I just need to get a hold of my L to get the S agreement signed.

Oh and W told me about a bachelorette party she is going to next week end. She will be with girls a lot younger and a lot better looking to the bar scene. to which she has not been to in like many years ago. It will be a time to appreciate the life at home as outing like that make you feel so old.

I have my GAL soccer today, should be fun. I was more vocal with the other players last game. I just felt more relaxed because I have my house lined up. I can see and end to this limbo some what and with us in separate houses I have new hope.

So inlaws have the kids for a couple of days. they sleep over tonight so W and I will be home alone. That is if she comes home. I over heard her saying to the kids that she will be leaving right after desert. Seems a little early to me to leave.

I know way too much about W. I need to start taking control of my life. One day at a time.

[Vapo]

I am trying to picture in my head how the interactions are going to be once we are in separate houses. It has the possibility of no contact for days.

Belive me, no contact will work wonders for you. No contact is awesome!

[broke]

I know way too much about W. I need to start taking control of my life. One day at a time.

I think this says it all. Time to start GALing and DBing for you. Time to detach so you can become the best version of yourself for whatever relationship you have in the future. With or without your W. Good luck

[vise82]

Hey Vapo and Broke,

I also am thinking the no contact will be good for me. W and I are still so much in each other lives and also so much apart.

I found my self getting mad when she has been texting me and calling me, with the house for sale and kids stuff. It so frustrating, nothing about how I am or how my day is, I am sick of it. I have been yelling at the phone for her to leave me alone before I let it go to the answering machine. I used to do this before BD. And to think of it for the same reasons, never to ask me how I am, its most of the time for me to do something or to check on me.

To become the best version of myself I have been thinking about that. I think I need to work on my people skills. I don't have a lot, I am a good listener. Talking and relating to people not so much.

Physically I have lost 30 pounds, I am wearing pants and shirts that I used to wear before I was married. I can see now the next step can be working on my strength or building muscles.

So W did come home last night and she talked to me about the frustrations of getting her house. I had to stop myself from trying to fix it by offering suggestions. I instead just listened and was supportive. Even though I didn't agree with her thought process. She was putting her deal at risk over a couple of Items the owner does not want to fix now.

I also will have an accepted conditional sale of our house tonight. We just have to fax in the paper work.

[vise82]

Hey,

Having a tough day,

After posting that I have been angry that W is calling me. am getting down about it. She hasn't texted or messaged me yet today and It bothering me like at least I know she is thinking about me when she messages me. Even it has nothing to do with how I am.

Also I need to try to contact my L about signing the S paper and that is pulling me down. I wish I didn't have to that we could just go back to being together. Last night it was just the two of us, and because of DBing I couldn't go to her and watch TV with her or other stuff a couple would do. It just seems like such a waste. All of this effort to stay apart on her end, think what could be done if that effort was put to saving the MR?

I know I need to get out of this hole I am falling into right now. I need to get a hold of my L to get this going. W was telling me the S agreement has a to sign by date of 30 days and if not signed she will take me to court.

My gal was OK at soccer last night but I am paranoid that the players don't want me to join for the summer. I think my people skill are that bad. I was finding it frustrating that no one was talking to me. I was questioning my soccer skills. This was the first time I have played soccer on a team ever. It just those connection with people it seemed I have failed to make. Same with my MR, W had issues with me going to things because I was so quiet. And too reserved. And this issue came up in my promotion interview, technically I am above all but socially I was not where they wanted me.

I was told A long time ago either you change or you just let people accept you for who you are. But when people are not accepting me for who I am and I don't know how to change who I am , what then??

This just does not feel normal to me. I feel lost. It doesn't help that my normal facial expression is no expression. I can smile inside but I look like I have no expression on the outside, almost look emotionless.

Just another low day for me again.

[otw]

im sorry bud. I know too well where you are.

I have questioned a lot lately what I am doing. Me and W have had interactions but i look back and analyze them and although i see glimpses from her, i dont see her going out of her way towards anything.

then i ask am i being impatient? or just wasting time.

Who knows. I do live my life and do many things, but i also have her on mind a lot.

[vise82]

hey,

Ok kids have been away for two days now at the inlaws, and so after work W came home with the new car, she asked if I wanted to see it, so we went out and we sat in the car and she showed me all the new stuff on this car that the old 2013 model didn't have. Before BD I would be really excited to see it and would have poked her and grabbed her arm saying how awesome it was. This time I cant touch her but I tried to say positive stuff. Just from what happened to me with the old car, I thought it was amazing and it gives you a confidence boost, driving in a new car look at me.. but then It fades and it just becomes a car and that feeling will fade for W.

After W mentions to me about the stuff we need to do to settle the S agreement, she gave me a copy to read was like 36 pages to go through, I wont go through it here but basically the only thing that came up to change was Christmas, she put in there that she gets the kids ever Christmas and Christmas morning, I get them in the afternoon and boxing day? so I ask her about it and she says she hope we can all spend Christmas together.

I didn't like it this year spending Christmas together and we talked about making it rotating. she says we can just do what we want, so just sign it as to change the agreement will cost money.

My problem with it. If she get a boyfriend and wants to spend Christmas with him too how does that work.? The whole agreement did not mention anything about another person.

I think when I go to sign I will just get my lawyer to make it rotate. And just blame it on the lawyer.

So I am having a problem at night. With the kids gone and both of us in the house and all this communication it has been getting me worked up sexually. I think I mentioned about it before about calling out at night for W to visit me in my sleep.

Well the last two nights it was happening again only stronger and it was waking me up. I would fall asleep and then it would happen again. Me talking to her sexually in my sleep. I only realize it happening as I drift out of sleep. I stop and fall asleep and then it happens again.

She did not acknowledge it and I don't know if she heard it. I am just so worried of the negative consequences it could have with her. I worry stuff like this will just drive her away more. Or worse make her feel unsafe in the house.

I took care of a few things for me, I applied for credit and updated my student loan stuff, so that was good.

I read V post about a parachute with strings and all the string being attachments to people. I realize I have very little strings right now. I came from a big family and I didn't have to worry about making friends as I had a house full of brothers and sisters. I think that is why I am finding it hard to connect with people because when I was young I didn't have to brothers and sister were just there, always , good or bad, fights or no fights.

I have reached out to my best man in my wedding and even him right now I am holding back from really connecting with him, I text him a couple times a week. And why? its because I am still walking on egg shell around my W. I am worried if she finds out I am talking to him that it will some how mess up the S agreement. He know my family and he could tell them where I am living and W and I guess by default I don't want that.

I am isolating myself from my friends at work by not telling them about the S. I am loosing strings there. I focus on the work and not the relationships. They are there but I must take them for granted because no matter what they keep showing up at work, they are there good or bad, conflict or not.

There is still a long road ahead. Looks like in house separation will end June 7 when we have to be out of the house as it is sold now conditional.

Oh and last night I was reading the S agreement and asking questions to W for clarification on things and she randomly shows me a three year old photo of our youngest. I thought really, right now you show me that I almost lost it crying, I had to hold back as a single tear welled up in my eye. The poor guy, he has no idea of what is happening.