Just to be devils advocate (I really don't know what I think you should do): What is you're kneejerk reaction? Give it to her? If so, You should probably do the opposite....or so DB would say. If that means not giving her the info, you can just say "Look, you already know I don't want this D. I'm not going to actively help it along." It might piss her off, but it makes you look stronger...
M:26 H:32 T:8yrs ILYBNILWY/ "I'm not happy": 2/6/16 D-Day-discovered PA/EA: 2/10/16 Separated: 2/14/16 He's living with OW I moved to different state: 06/16 Currently: Trying to move forward
So GAL'ing is the Q of the hour. I see that we should do it for us. I see that it is important for them to see we will be OK and survive. I enjoy the time to unwind and be with friends, a time to enjoy life and not think about my sitch. However; what is a common reaction from a WW. Mine has started to act like having to watch the kids for less than two extra hours one or two nights a week is her going out of her way, even thought this has been the arrangement since she left the MH. Probably the fact that my exercise is starting to pay off, and I am looking good and feeling good. SAME WAIST SIZE AS COLLEGE! thanks to the D diet healthy meal choices and a good trainer..
i was out and she text me tonight. i have gone out Thursdays since she left. sometimes just to be alone, sometimes to go to the gym and workout to feel good about myself and 180, or for dinner with a friend. Sometimes even when i really didn't want to be out and just wanted to go home, I did it to keep the precedent. She was saying "it must be nice to have someone to watch the kids so you can go do xxxxxxx or xxxx or xxxx". <-- she actually knew what I was doing but i haven't told her and i didn't think she even knew the people that I was with (new work friends). i wanted to be like, "oh really...What about the other 5-6 nights a week when i have them? Is that not having someone else to watch the kids so you can do as you please? I didn't say it though. I typed it but didn't send it. I think I kind of set a boundary. I said, " I am sorry that you feel like that, but I will be continuing to pick the kids up @ xx on this night as we have. If we need to make other arrangements let me know and we can look into our options."
My mother, is ready, willing and able to be help me and would be happy to pick up the kids to have the time with them. My point was that I will continue to do what I am doing regardless of what she does.
Probably could have described tonight better but i hope you get the idea.
This is the heart of the Q. It hasn't gotten adversarial and this info actually helps me. I would be more specific if I could.
CWOL, thanks for your popping in on my thread lately. How is that left coast, BTW.
From my person experience, it gets adversarial REAL fast. I would hold on to it if I were you. Left Coast is nice and warm, but we could use some rain (coming this weekend!)
Last edited by Cadet; 03/11/1606:01 AM. Reason: start a new thread message
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
My mind is all twisted up like a pretzel. I did state that I would not assist, and I guess this would stay true to that. I have some thinking to do and not much time to do it.
Honestly I think my gut says not to give it, so should I do it for DB sake? I kind of agree with Sandi2's stance of it looking controlling and ultimately I don't think it won't change anything thing. If she is He11 bent on the D, she will get it.
I think she is under the impression that she will file, I will sign the papers as is once served and we will be done after the mandated waiting period before it can be final. I don't want to be petty and I know that dragging my feet once served will only delay the inevitable, but I guess standing true to myself and not participating unless necessary rather than being "helpful" is a valid stance. She loves to us "we" need to do this or that and not "I" need xxx in regards to D related subjects.
I softly reminder her that it is a "she" and not a "we" scenario.
I am thinking of stating a boundary of something like. "I have stated that I will not assist in the dissolution of the covenant we made with God on our wedding day, nor do I approve of the destruction of our family. When you continue to ask me to assist by providing info or paying the fess, I feel that you do not respect my feelings. If you continue to ask or expect me to be a part of this I will not respond to anything unless directly related to the children and their needs."
Not much of a "consequence" but it is something. Thoughts on this and any changes?
