[broke]

Thanks, Thornton, I will definitely do that! Hopefully I can find someone in the area because that seems way more up my Type A personality :-)

[HopeRB]

I think I am going to take a break from it. I feel like it is a waste of time and money at the moment. If I feel like I want to go back, I will interview a couple over the phone about setting goals, monitoring them and such. I will keep everyone posted to see if I miss it…..

broke, I feel you and I are on the same timeline alot of the time. I've also been feeling like I need to take a break from my IC b/c I'm just not getting what I need. I think I've kept going b/c I find value in someone just listening to me, gaining insight and working out the thoughts in my head out loud. But I need something more.

I looked into Solution Focused Therapy about 1.5 ago after I started realizing that I need actionable items, goals and a timeframe while someone holds me accountable. I think thats what myIC tries to be as she is also a life/money management coach but I don't know. She also happens to be me and H's MC. So I think that's another reason I keep going - b/c she's met him and can weigh in on things b/c of that.

DB Coaching is a bit pricey but I think overall, it is worth it and nice to have that resource out there. I'm in a tough financial sitch but I think it's super valuable so I try to book every other week or so. It's difficult to monitor the results of it when in NC but still very insightful.

[TimR]

I will have to look into solution based therapy. I like more action than just sitting there talking. Again however, today was a good session. Yet I feel if I thought about it enough I would come to the conclusions on my own, if I have not already considered the advise.

[Thornton]

You can also try a life coach. They help you set goals and hold you accountable.

[TimR]

Unfortunately my area is so small there are not many life coaches and the ones around I would not trust. I have met two and really they do not have degrees or even worse they do not have their sh!t together, I am stuck with counselling at the moment but also will continue on with DB coaches.

[Thornton]

You might be able to Skype with a life coach too. I don't know, just thinking outside the box..

[TimR]

That is a good idea!

Sorry to hijack broke.

[broke]

Hijack away….I can always learn something from what people post (on my thread or theirs :-) Sounds like I should look into DB coach and solutions based therapist. Will do that soon.

On another note, this is how my week has gone with H:

Friday, Saturday, Sunday - radio silence (nothing to me or the boys - with OW?)

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday - 4-6 texts daily about "housekeeping" stuff regarding the kids, including the tickets to bball games this weekend. All civil, nothing contentious, all initiated by him. I tried to be civil yet short in my responses.

Thursday - unfortunately I needed his help with carpooling the boys to activities, so I had to text him yesterday morning. Only 2-3 texts about it - civil and to the point

Friday - just got a phone call from H (first one in a very long time). We each take a son to school in the morning if he is in town. I drove one to school before he arrived, he drove S15 this morning but had to leave my garage door open because he couldn't get it to shut. Told me he asked S15 to text me about it but wanted to make sure I got it. (I didn't) So, we chatted civilly for a few minutes about the golf trip S15 and H are going on, what he packed and needed for the coach and school to leave early. Then, we talked logistics about getting S13 and S15 to their activities for the Spring. All was very civil. I ended the conversation by saying "well, I hope you have a good time and it doesn't rain the entire trip, talk to you later". I made an effort to end the conversation first and try to get off phone. Probably 8 minutes of talk about kids (he did tell me he was on way to his new house to meet the contractor).

I am not sure if we are edging towards "friends", which is why I probably need to reach out to a DB coach. I was just holding off because I don't really think this M has much hope. And, I was paying for IC which I am realizing hasn't been that effective for me.

The friends vs. civil coparents has been my biggest hurdle at the moment…..I certainly have no interest in being his friend. Maybe this feels too close to friends because we haven't been civil to each other since December….or, maybe I am not being as "short and sweet" as I should be. This was the first phone call we have had in probably 3-4 weeks. And, it didn't feel like H/W, it felt like casual friends. Ugh

[Rednail]

The friends vs civil co-parents is a huge hurdle for me too. I feel like his BFF, ex wife, wife, and person he hates most all depending on his mood for the day. If you find out how to be a civil co-parent without coming off as a good close friend let me know because mama is struggling here too. We talk everyday so it makes it hard for me.

The solution based therapy might be good for both of us. We really should look into it.

[ciluzen]

Hey, Broke.

Just wanted to weigh in on the counseling issue. If you are looking at a solution based therapist, ask if they are familiar with DB and DR in the phone interview. I ended up going to two who said they were SBT, but were not familiar with the books. Hunh? The second one actually borrowed my copy.

Also, I feel you on the casual friends thing. It feels often like some weird dance...like those awkward hug approaches when you're trying to figure out which way to lean.