wow ladies it`s hard not to laugh at your H`s choices of clothes and shoes. They should put out a calendar of MLC men. My STBXW is no better. My D`s were embarrassed on how their mom looked. The last few weeks we saw her, she was always with a hoodie and listening to the weirdest music. She became a soul sister into jazz/metal and ninja mixed into one.
Mleigh, great your son is helping out. Let him do it his way. Even if its not perfect. He`s is going to feel important and involved.
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
These stories definitely made me laugh! Light up shoes? Thongs? Mesh shirt? Oh my. Irish, I LOVE your idea of a MLC calendar!
I have had a pretty uneventful week, gratefully! I do sense some hormonal issues going on with me, lots of fatigue among other things. So fun!
Started out my Tuesday morning with a walk with my dog. We pass this house, where a yellow lab and his owner are always out front. You can tell doggie is old, moves real slow. That morning, owner was out but no dog. I asked him where he was, owner told me he passed. I started crying! So embarrassing, I told him I was so sorry, I could see how sad he was.
Let's see, I had the termite repairs done on Tuesday. Bye bye little huggers!
Our Fed Ex guy at work continues to try to make a cougar out of me. He is very nice but.....not happening
Wed S woke up with a sore throat, but braved school with a promise to go the nurse if he felt worse. During my late lunch break, I grabbed his bean bag, blanket and soup, I ran by his after school care, picked him up and took him back to work with me to rest. He was so grateful, said I am a good mommy.
Today, we both woke up feeling yucky. He sounded terrible so we had a day of rest. I got a couple of much needed naps! Tonight is H night, but since S and I are both sick, he asked S if he wants to just stay home with me, we all agreed good idea. We tried face time with H for the first time. S loved it! Of course H had to zoom back and forth up close to his nose and eye, S was cracking up. H asked to talk to me, and we couldn't stop laughing, it just seemed so funny. He face timed with the dog too. I walked around and showed him the termite repairs and a window I was told needed to be sealed. H said he has caulk and would put it in his truck right now, but would forget so to remind him next time he is over. He was very thoughtful today, checking in and making a point to ask how I was. That is very new.
Today was Grammy day, she went to S school like normal to help out and found no S! H forgot to tell her. I will be honest, I thought of it, but didn't feel like it. I know, not very nice of me, she is on my bad list. When school was over, she TM me asking if we needed anything. I told her we were stocked up and thanked her for offering. She ended up stopping by anyway, lol. She brought in S homework, my mail and my paper and gave S a big hug. Was nice of her. She has not had S for a Grammy day in 5 weeks now! Today Was supposed to be, but our germs got in the way.
So all good here, despite having a bug. We should be back to the grind tomorrow but plan on lots of rest this weekend.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Oh, and S is doing great with the chores. I have been firm with myself, not doing them, and letting him do them his way. He does them within a minute of me reminding him, with no moans or groans, and has even cleaned up after himself a couple of times without me saying anything. He is getting much praise
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
I am so sorry to read that you and your son have been under the weather. Hopefully the "bug" has come and gone and both of you are feeling much better today. I'm also glad that your MIL was nice enough to stop by and bring your son's homework and do a few other little things for you. At least she knew that both of you were sick and didn't carry on about things.
I'm so happy to read that your son is doing some chores and definitely give him kudos when he does them. They gobble up praise and will do even better and more jobs as they move along the path to adulthood.
Hope the both of you are feeling better soon!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you Job. We are still feeling a bit under the weather but hoping some rest this weekend helps.
I needed to take my dog to the vet yesterday. She is doing this weird licking thing, she licks the air, over and over. Anyway, we are testing to see if this is due to an upset tummy and nausea, so we are trying out some tummy calmers for her.
H wanted to know what happened, so I sent him TM yesterday. A couple of hours later, he responded with a SUPER long text about a 3 1/2 hour meeting he just finished with an unhappy client. He had planned on coming to visit S, but was starving because he missed lunch and needed to get food and how about if he comes by tomorrow?
That was fine with me, but It just cracks me up. Job, you are not kidding about everything being about them. My eyes have really opened to his self centeredness and being easily overwhelmed. He had a rough meeting, so he can't see his son, avoided him when he was sick already.
Meanwhile, this week I took care of house repairs, vet appt, sick son all while being under the weather myself and working.
And I realize, it's now gotten to the point where he buys toys, and gets upset with S if he does not respond the way H wants him to. (Go kart, skooter, music app for computer, bow and arrow, mine craft band) All of a sudden, S becomes a lazy, ungrateful spoiled kid who will not amount to anything. Um, who is acting like the spoiled brat? I really am seeing a pattern here. H gets toys, S is not interested, H gets angry and lashes out at me. I wonder why?
It's all become so clear, the world H is living in, it truly revolves around him, his wants, his needs, they all come first.
Definitely something I will bring up in counseling this week. H has some high expectations of S, while meanwhile, expecting others to have none for him. This MLC stuff is truly amazing to witness! But much easier to deal with when you can see it for what it is. I am not angry or anything, just observing and feeling a bit defensive of S and the way H acted during the course of his birthday. I feel a bit disappointed in H.
I am testing out a new "diet" for S and I. We pretty much follow a Mediterranean diet already, but I am looking to tweak it a bit by using less processed boxed foods, and more fresh foods. Less red meat and less meat altogether. I told S, I could easily live on veggies, pastas and rice. He said, let's do it! Lol. So I am looking up some healthy options for us and going to do a shopping today. It's funny, I got trained by H, he needs meat in every meal. I have still been following that rule. 2 1/2 years later, I realize, I don't need or want that!
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
You and I are working pretty much along the same time line (at least as far as part 2 goes for me). Like your h, mine is totally self-centered as well and, like you, it's been 2 1/2 years. If he asked about my kids or grandkids, I think I'd stroke out on the spot.
Isn't it funny how you keep on doing things you did before h left until you realize that you don't have to cater to his preferences anymore. I think one of the things I enjoy the most is being able to eat what I want. There were so many things that I liked that he wouldn't eat, so they never made it to the table.
Hope you're feeling better.
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
Hey 2 times. We are almost exactly the same timeline. Do you also see your H easily overwhelmed?
I suppose it could be because they are so scattered and mushy brained that the smallest thing becomes too much. It's another pattern I see with H and others on here.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Your husband lashes out at you because you are a safe target for his anger. Also, he is reliving his youth and he feels that your son gets away w/things when he, as a child, didn't. He could be comparing life w/your son now to his own childhood past. He may have heard a lot of what he's saying to you as a child from his mommy dearest. I sense he didn't have a very loving home life as a child. I sense that his mommy dearest was a tyrant and showed very little love towards him. I could be wrong about this...but the stuff he says just makes me wonder.
Keep in mind, as a child, he is expecting your son to be interested in the same things that he is. He doesn't understand why your son doesn't share the same enthusiasm for the "toys" and he gets frustrated. I think your h is acting out a bit younger than your son at times. He doesn't understand what makes your son tick and there is the problem. Kids today don't always enjoy the things that we did growing up because the world has changed so much and you certainly can't expect them to understand the growing up years that we experienced.
It's all about him right now and it will be that way for a while. Your man/child is suffering from resentment, jealousy and selfishness right now. Also, they can't deal w/illness or death because it reminds them of mortality.
The new diet idea is a good one.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I have a question for those of you who had H/W leave. It's tax time and I am doing our taxes and questioning myself. We file married filing jointly, however, H is enjoying the tax deductions for the house, yet hasn't lived here last year. The last couple of years, we had to pay because H decided our refunds were too big and changed his withholdings which really messed things up.
He pays me equal to 1/2 the mortgage each month, but nothing additional for child support. So, technically that money can be called one or the other? IDK, maybe this is something to leave alone until if it comes to D? I would think filing jointly may be financially better....
How do you guys handle how you file??
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
I was scared to ask since I think he will get angry and be like I WANT A D NOW!! but I bit the bullet and asked ..we are filing jointly and have agreed to 70-30. It was pretty easy pheww... he said wow it looks like a huge weight was lifted off your shoulders. I am scared to rock the boat...how sad is that...
