2016 a New Year - getting out of my own fog

[AJM]

Irish, I'm always amazed at your posts. I don't come by often, but it's nice to see the posts.

I kind of chuckled at the being close to an agreement. I snorted a little when you mentioned it was almost the same agreement as at mediation. Why did I chuckle? Because that's how it went for me as well. In my state, it requires a year of sep before you can file. She took it to the day and signed everything I had long ago agreed to. I took the approach of "if you want it, you do it" and she wrote the agreement before not wanting to sign it I recall laughing about it one day because it was all so ridiculous on balance. I also made sure I was only interested in the stuff around the kids. The rest was really unimportant to me. So I made a few minor adjustments as it was part of the "game" of back and forth. In the end, her lawyer was trying to help me! Go figure.

All that to say, don't expect rational behavior or integrity (do what you say) from her. No expectations. If you step back a little, you may see where the agreement will end up long before you get there. It's kind of predictable when there's no rational thought on one end. And when you let go of expectations of rational thought, it takes the pressure off of you. Patience. Slow and steady patience is about all you'll do that will be effective as long as you have zero expectations.

Keep up the good work and enjoying the time with your daughters. Try not to feel sad for very long at your ex's choices. Hope that she gets herself better and you can make different choices if that happens. It will be a long time if it happens, so don't miss out on the present feeling sad for very long. It's ok to enjoy the gifts and people you have right now instead.

Peace,

AJ